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Monday, January 01, 2007


Today this blog is three years old. What started out as a private place for me to express my thoughts and vent my feelings has now developed into something I never, in my wildest dreams, imagined. Three years on, and three million visitors later, I am still gobsmacked at the response this blog has had and am totally chuffed that people return on a regular basis to read my thoughts on sex. To each and every one of the people who have read, commented, lurked, linked, emailed, and debated here, thank you.

I’ve always done a yearly round-up of blog posts on this date; today is no different, barring the fact that this last year has been the oddest I have ever experienced. What was once my private life has now become public, in its most literal sense. I’ve been proud that my writing crossed into the book medium this year; I’ve been gutted that I lost my anonymity in the process. Here are the highs and lows of the past twelve months:

Being single
Date-related erections
Men want children too
Cooking and sex
Making love
How to be a good lover
Winning a Bloggie
Man on man
Finger skills
Equality in bed
Intellectual sex
Casual sex
Cheating lovers
Book completion
Pornographic pictures
Disappointing BDSM
Fucking my way across London
Men wank too hard
Am I a sex addict?
Losing my anonymity

Below is one of the actual emails from the Sunday Times newspaper which was sent to me the day prior to the publication of their article ‘outing’ me. [For reasons of privacy, I have deleted certain details in the parentheses]. I print this to show the level newspapers will stoop to, to get a ‘story’, and also to highlight the private effect that an article such as this can have:

Aug 5, 2006 11:08 AM

Dear Miss [my name],

We intend to publish a prominent news story in this weekend's paper, revealing your identity as the author of the book, Girl With a One Track Mind.

We have matched up the dates of films you have worked on - Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Batman Begins and Lara Croft Tomb Raider - and it is clear that they correlate to your blog. We have obtained your birth certificate, and details about where you went to school and college.

We propose to publish the fact that you are 33 and live in [my address] -London, and that your mother, [her name], is a [her address] -based [her profession]. The article includes extracts from your book and blog, relevant to your career in the film industry. We also have a picture of you, taken outside your flat.

Unfortunately, the picture is not particularly flattering and might undermine the image that has been built up around your persona as Abby Lee. I think it would be helpful to both sides if you agreed to a photo shoot today so that we can publish a more attractive image.

We are proposing to assign you our senior portrait photographer, Francesco Guidicini, and would arrange everything to your convenience, including a car to pick you up. We would expect you to provide your own clothes and make up. As the story will be on a colour page, we would prefer the outfit to be one of colourful eveningwear.

We did put this proposal to you yesterday, but heard nothing back. Clearly this is now a matter of urgency, and I would appreciate you contacting me as soon as possible. To avoid any doubt we will, of course, publish the story as it is if we do not hear from you.

Yours sincerely,
Nicholas Hellen

Acting News Editor
Sunday Times

When I received this email, I cried. And then showed it to my mother. It was one thing to expose me in a newspaper; it was another thing altogether to violate my mother’s privacy too – I was worried about the effect it would have on her job and her private life. As my mother read the email, I told her I would do whatever the newspaper wanted – participate in their fucking photo-shoot, or give them the interview they had been demanding – if it meant they left her out of it. I was ready to comply, cave in, and submit to their threats.

You know what my mother said? “Fuck them.” She told me not to dignify the email with a response; to ignore them ringing my phone off the hook. She hugged me and told me that whatever happened, she and my dad would be behind me and back me up. So we sat tight, ignored all the harassment, (never once communicating with the paper I might add) and waited for the article to come out. And then my parents made me lots of cups of tea, and toast and marmite, whilst I tried to pick up the pieces of my no-longer-existent private life. I am forever grateful for all their support.

Dealing with press intrusion
Doing an interview with The Guardian newspaper
Why I was anonymous
Personal aftermath
Appearing on the Sharon Osbourne TV show
Yet another lover finds out
Drunken contact
Speaking on Woman’s Hour
Losing my pick-up confidence
My book signing – first public appearance
Speaking at a feminist conference
Why I would fuck Russell Brand
Blow-job technique
Appearing on Imagine TV programme
Obtaining a sexual massage

It’s been a weird year, one obviously defined by my being exposed in the media, and since then my life has completely changed. Overall I’m glad it’s over, because much of the latter part of it has been a struggle. However, it's now a fresh new year and I’m optimistically looking forward to it, and lots of new, positive things happening.

Happy new year everybody, here’s hoping Two Double O Seven is a great one.

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