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Tuesday, March 14, 2006

How to be a good lover 

Because I write about sex, people often ask me: what makes a man a good lover?

Whilst I don’t profess to know the answer to this - if I did, I’d be rich surely, with one of those ‘how to be the perfect lover’ books - I have however, built up a vast knowledge in this subject.

Or in other words: I have fucked a lot of men.

Seriously. I have. The amount, is irrelevant. Let’s just assume many.

But what I will say is that being a good lover does not depend on the following factors:

  • Cock size – I have had cocks as small as my thumb and almost as large as my forearm - and everything in between. Whilst the former was hard to feel and the latter hurt like hell, the rest fulfilled their job very nicely, thank you.
  • Beauty – I have fucked men that my friends thought were as ugly as dogs, as well as men that modelled for a living. In bed there was no difference: a horny man is a horny man – his skills in bed aren’t connected to his handsomeness.
  • Intelligence – I have shagged guys who were so boring that I couldn’t wait to leave (after fucking them) and ones that were so fascinating, our conversation continued whilst in the missionary position. Both types were fun to fuck, (but being boring doesn’t equate to a second shag).
  • Social class/career – I’ve bedded men with differing fiscal status: from a street cleaner to a multi-millionaire ambassador’s son. Their wealth, or lack of, had no connection to their abilities in bed.
  • Racial/religious background – I have had men of many nationalities, both here, and abroad. The only difference between them was their ability to say ‘I want to fuck you’ with an accent (or not).
  • Personality – I have slept with bold, outgoing, dynamic men as well as quiet, shy, nervous men; naked, in bed, they were all alike.

So if these things are not factors in what makes a good lover, then what is?

I put it down to one thing – one indescribable thing: chemistry.

That’s it.

Just the buzz you get from someone when you’re with them. They may have some of the ‘qualities’ that you find attractive, they may have things in common with you and you enjoy their company, but without that fizz - that excitement you feel in their presence going on between you - the sex ain’t going nowhere.

You see, of the men I have slept with – that made my fire burn from the chemistry – not all, even many, of them were that skilled in the sack. But they still made my pants soaked and enabled me to climax – repeatedly – when I was with them.

Given the choice between the most skilled lover in the world and one that is clumsy with his hands, but who – when he whispers in my ear ‘god you’ve got me so turned on’ – makes me drip in anticipation of his touch, I know who I would pick – and it wouldn’t be Mr Loverlover: I’m of the opinion that every man can be taught (if necessary) how to please a woman well; but if there’s no chemistry there to begin with – forget it.

This might sound harsh – ‘ladies, get rid of him if he doesn’t make your pants wet before he touches you’ – but, fuck it, it’s true. Every good lover I have had was someone I had chemistry with; the ones I didn’t (and yes, there’ve been many of those too) – even with all the best technique in the world – didn’t make me come (as hard, as much, or even, at all).

So in conclusion, I think guys (and girls) should relax about whether they are skilled enough in bed and instead, try to just enjoy the sex they have.

Because at some point – when they encounter that magical chemistry with someone – the sex is going to be so dazzling, it will knock both their socks off.

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