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Independent - update
Display
THE GIRL’S GUIDE TO… Men: How To Get Laid When Yo...
Network
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Independent
Timing
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Thursday, May 20, 2010
Independent - update
PRESS RELEASE
ZOE MARGOLIS VS. THE INDEPENDENT ON SUNDAY
On 7th March 2010, The Independent on Sunday newspaper seriously defamed Ms. Margolis by referring to her as a “hooker” in the title of an article that she wrote for them, published in both the paper and online editions.
The resulting effect of this libel was immeasurable, and Ms. Margolis was forced to issue legal proceedings against Independent News & Media Ltd.
These proceedings have now come to a conclusion and substantial damages have been offered to Ms. Margolis for the distress and impact to her reputation, both personal and professional, that this libel caused.
There will be a statement read in open court in a hearing tomorrow, Friday 21st May 2010 at 10.30am, court 13 at the Royal Courts of Justice, The Strand, London.
Ms. Margolis will be available for interview or comment following the hearing.
Background to case:
Press Gazette
Journalism.co.uk
New Statesman
Guardian
Gawker
Court hearing:
Hearing information
Previously
Comments
Friday, April 16, 2010
Display
Dear Men,
Yes you. All of you. We need to talk.
Allow me to bring something to your attention, if I may. That being the problem of how you sit. Everywhere you are, you always seem to sit in the same way: with your legs spread widely apart; whether on the tube, in an office, or in that coffee shop in Soho last week, where you distracted me from my writing a post on my blog.
Here’s the thing: unless we are going to have sex, I really must ask that you keep your legs together - it would be hugely appreciated if you could. Don't get me wrong: I quite like seeing a man with his legs splayed when he is sitting down, but that, you see, is where problems arise (possibly literally, but we'll come to that later).
I like to think I am aware of the reasons why men might recline in this manner; if I had a penis I would probably sit that way too, so as to allow my crotch some space to breathe (and protect future generations with my virile sperm). I imagine, being a bloke, it is quite comfortable spreading one's legs apart: it certainly lowers the risk of getting one's dinkle stuck in an awkward position (and we've all heard the stories about penis fractures) (I've actually met one: it had broken at a right-angle - ouch) (I am relieved to say it still worked. Very well in fact).
It would appear that sitting like this, according to many body-language experts, serves the function of marking one's territory: spread-out legs take up space - which shows other men potential dominance of the physical surroundings. (Much like being a tom-cat, but without the bad smell.) (Hopefully.) Perhaps this highlighting of the groin area is an evolutionary trait to show potential mates what's on offer: allowing one to 'check the goods' prior to purchase (always something one should do). As if a big arrow was pointing downwards, a man sitting with his legs apart seems to be saying, "Look at me. Here I am. This is my penis. Isn't it great?!" I can certainly see the advantage in that, but herein lies the problem: with men's groins so blatantly on show, a woman like me doesn't know where to look.
Let's be honest here: I like to look at men's crotches. This is no secret; I have no embarassment in admitting it. It's not that I am interested in seeing how big or small their penis might be - far from it - rather, it's just nice to see what's there. In a sort of knowing-which-side-it-might-be-lying type of way, or even I-wonder-what-it-would-look-like-hard-underneath-his-trousers kind of thing. Normal stuff, basically. So when faced with a Cock Bulge On Display Because A Man Is Sitting There With His Legs Wide Apart, where else is a woman supposed to fix her eyes? Yes, I've tried to look at a bloke's face, or his hands, or even his feet, but with such a prominent visual display of genitalia, I find it hard to rest my gaze anywhere else but there.
My male friends tell me they have a problem with women who wear low-cut tops; that with any cleavage in view, their eyes are drawn to it - even if they don't find the woman attractive, or worse, she's a friend, they still cannot help but look. I know this isn't just a hetrosexual thing: a gay mate of mine admitted to me he was captivated by my boobs and spent much of an evening peering down my top (with my blessing, I should add: it’s just the staring without permission that annoys me). So likewise, men's crotches: if they are going to sit like that, displaying their bulges to the world, where else do they expect us women to look, I ask you?
I find this situation most unsettling, because whilst I may be checking out a guy's groin, I am not necessarily doing so because I want to shag him, and I would hate for him to think that I did, just because he spotted me cock-gazing. It's just that it's there... to be looked at. And I do; I can't help it.
So in order to avoid being caught staring at your crotches, it would help me if all of you men stopped sitting like that, and instead pressed your legs together in a dignified manner, thus hiding your packages from view. It would be better for all that way I think.*
Thanking you in advance,
Yours sincerely, in dark glasses to hide her eyes,
Girl x
*Unless of course you are in my flat because I am going to shag you, in which case, please do sit there with your legs wide apart and I will try to use telekinesis (or, failing that, some dirty-talk) to give you a hard-on under your trousers which I will thus grind myself against with great delight. Thank you.
[I thought I'd post up some extracts from my book. Hope you enjoy them.]
Thursday, April 15, 2010
THE GIRL’S GUIDE TO… Men: How To Get Laid When You Place An Advert On A Casual Sex Website.
1. Be grammatically correct. Placing an ad that is badly spelled or with terrible sentence construction doesn't bode well to anyone reading it; it just makes you appear stupid. Plus, you'll look like you're typing with only one hand, which although might be true, really won't assist you: horniness is no guarantee of success in the field of sex (actually, it probably lowers your ability to get lucky, if anything).
Example:
“cum smole weed with me today and let me get the munch where the sun don't shine,ill go down there for hours!”
I'm not sure where you might be going down darling, but it wouldn't be between my legs, that's for sure: I expect a man to be able to converse on at least a semi-intellectual level (when he comes up for air, anyway).
2. Don't appear desperate (even if you are). Have a wank, get rid of your excess horniness, and then post the ad. Do not, in any circumstances, be tempted to write something like this:
"i have the whole weekend scheduled off for sex but have no-one to do it with as yet"
Evidently. Looks like a weekend spent watching those new DVDs. Again.
3. Don't appear too picky:
"'m 35yrs, 191cm, 80kg, handsome, cultivated, successful and am looking for female companion (younger than 35yrs, BMI less than 25) to have fun with."
Specifying a particular ratio of a woman's height/size is not going to get you in her pants. Fact.
4. However, don't appear not to be picky at all - and then contradict yourself (using bad spelling and zero punctuation):
"can`t accomadate no time wasters looks unimportant pic a must"
And if you're going to request a picture, it makes sense to offer one in return. Otherwise women will just suspect you're going to use their image to wank to and not take you seriously. (See below.)
5. If you want to get laid, try offering more than just a soggy photograph:
“I'm looking for a woman to email me a sexy picture of herself, that I can print off and wank over. I'll then take a picture of my cock over your cum soaked picture and email it back to you.”
Been looking at too much porn, me thinks, if a bloke cannot relate to a woman unless she is 2D.
6. Be thoughtful about what you are going to offer the woman:
"Maybe you would just like to sit on top and ride me - I don't mind honest..."
Thank you - how generous of you.
7. Don't be arrogant:
"Sex can be devastatingly bad or just devastating. Choose the latter and drop me an email."
You won't pull if you come across as a wannabe-Casanova. Men who appear full of themselves generally turn out to be shit in bed. Most women know this, and those that don't soon learn - and spread the word.
8. Conversely, a man who shows basic wit and intelligence, and who can be mildly self-deprecating, would probably appear more considerate of a woman's needs in bed. Thus, more women would reply to his advert, ensuring a higher probability of him getting laid:
"Watery eyed albino seeks large gins and absolutely no sympathy from women who aren't that bothered about the fact that, to me, you probably just look like a shapely, yet smudgy blob in the middle distance. Must be prepared to put up with my walking into doors, abusing people with 20-20 vision and never getting a sun tan."
I'm betting this guy has had a few offers.
9. Don't bother putting pictures of your penis in the advert. Or, if you must, put a picture of your face alongside it. However nice your cock may be, in and of itself it isn't going to market your worth as a potential lover. If a woman was only interested in a phallus to play with, there are plenty of vibrators out there - and she'd be guaranteed a good orgasm with one. So please, be funny, be honest, show your face in the ad, and you're much more likely to get a response - and perhaps get lucky.
10. However, if your objective in the advert is not to get laid, and you don't mind women printing off pictures of your erection and using them to masturbate with, then please, feel free to post the cock pics - I need a few more for my collection.
[I thought I'd post up some extracts from my book. Hope you enjoy them.]
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Network
‘Social networking’ can really be such a double-edged sword.
After meeting, you become friends on Facebook. You follow one another on Twitter, add each other as Flickr contacts and share your Upcoming events info. Soon you’re reading each other’s blogs, and sharing links you think are interesting, or pictures you hope they’ll enjoy. You view their private Tumblr with relish, and smile when you see they’ve posted something you suggested. They privately message you to comment about a nice Flickr picture of you. You drop hints in your blog, hoping they’ll spot the secret reference just for them; and they do. You direct message each other on Twitter and save your @ replies for other, less personal, acquaintances. You play a few games of online Scrabble and innuendo seeps into the miniature chat box. Your Facebook flirtations spill over into gmail and you end up IMing about life, love, sex. You spend months regularly chatting or messaging or DMing on Twitter or emailing or playing, and you’re flirting, and it’s fun and exciting and hopeful, and there is mutual attraction; and all these ways of communicating, of staying in contact, means you’re both interconnected, even if there are miles between you.
And it’s wonderful – until the communication ends.
Where once you’d find an almost daily email, now there is none; your inbox lies empty. They don’t log in to gmail chat any more (or they’re ‘invisible’); they’re no longer making themselves available to IM with you. You see their tweets but no private, saucy DM from them awaits you. You notice they’ve updated Flickr but they don’t comment on your photos any more. They’ve stopped sending you links and pictures and articles and now you hesitate to send them any. You drop hints about them in your blog that you hope they’ll pick up on, but they fail to react. You spot their Facebook updates but no jokey messages from them are in your inbox. The Scrabble game you created goes un-played.
Once upon a time, outside the social network of the Internet, you’d just shrug if someone dropped communication and accept that if they really wanted to stay in contact, they’d simply pick up the 'phone and say hello. But in the web of modern interactivity, where you get used to the regular loud chatter of the (false?) intimacy of the social network, the sudden distance and silence from someone you’ve connected with on a frequent and personal basis is –ironically – deafening.
[I thought I'd post up some extracts from my book. Hope you enjoy them.]
Monday, March 22, 2010
Events
Popping in very quickly to say I'll be doing a talk at Soho Theatre on Wednesday (a few tickets are still available) and also appearing on a panel discussing feminism alongside Kat Banyard and Tessa Walker after Tuesday evening's performance of Eigengrau at the Bush Theatre (sold out, sorry).
You can also catch me at the London Twestival on Thursday, where I'll be donating some signed books for the winners of the raffle.
Thanks to the lovely folk who turned up to last week's book reading at Sh!; it was a great night. I'll be announcing some further readings – hopefully outside of London – shortly.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Independent
On the record, and in print.
You can read my article of last week (with amended –though still offensive– headline) here.
I'm incredibly upset and distraught about all this, as you might well imagine.
Further info:
Gawker
New Statesman
Press Gazette
Journalism.co.uk
Tabloid Watch
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
Timing
I've been trying to figure out why I'm taking the jealousy thing so hard. I mean, we split some time ago, and I truly thought I was happy with it all, but right now - christ - I'm hurting, and I'm confused as to why the pain seems bad now, when I (and he, for that matter) have already mourned the ending of 'us'.
Thinking about it (with my head, as opposed to my pained heart, I mean), I guess it's no surprise that my present emotional state is somewhat impaired, given my book is published this week. Writing it was hard, because it meant re-living difficult times over the last three years; promoting it now, in the press, involves having to recount these moments over and over. Don't get me wrong: I'm happy about and proud of the book, and really glad I wrote it, but the experiences which led to it being written still leave me feeling vulnerable; it's no coincidence that the subtitle of the book is "Exposed".
I suppose it makes sense that I'd feel a bit of an emotional upheaval as the publication date looms, and that I'd need some kind of personal touchstone, someone to ground me, amongst all the media stuff I am doing, if only for emotional reassurance. I guess I had assumed that he'd be the person to do that: that when I was feeling weak, or needy, or just wanting a space to be Zoe, as opposed to Abby Lee, he'd be there for me with a hug and a cup of tea. He's been there in that way for the better part of the last year and in my selfish, self-centred way, I took it for granted that he would continue to do so.
Neither of us could have predicted that he would enter into another relationship, and thus be emotionally unavailable, just as I would need him most; neither of us could have predicted just how sensitive I would feel about what's currently happening. The timing of it all is truly awful.
I absolutely want him to be happy and I really am thrilled that he's met someone with whom he may have a future: he deserves that more than words can say. But I can't deny that there's a small, resentful, part of me that wishes that they could have met in six weeks from now, so that until then I'd have the attention and support from him that I crave. I'm fully aware that this is solely about my needs and wants and not about his; I also know that I've little to offer him right now, and that doesn't make me a good friend, it makes me an incredibly selfish one.
So I have to accept that he can't be there for me, difficult though that might be for me to do in both my head and in my heart. I've got to play the cards I've been dealt, not wish for another hand. I might be wobbling a bit at the moment, but I need to put my brave face on, deal with what's ahead on my own, and know that, however painful it might be, life and love must go on.