Girl with a one-track mind

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Sex Appeal

I've been very busy over the last few months and I'm proud to finally announce what I've been working on: Sex Appeal - a fund raising comedy night taking place in January at London's Bloomsbury Theatre, on behalf of the young people's sexual health charity Brook.

Regular readers will know that I'm an ambassador for Brook, and that I am passionate about the wonderful work that they do. So it gives me great pride and joy to be organising this event for them; with the line-up we have, it looks set to be a superb night. (If you want to attend, get your tickets quickly: we launched the event today and they're selling very fast!)

As well as supporting Brook, I also hope that this event will raise awareness about the state of sex education in UK schools and how certain members of the government seem set on undermining the quality and content of this. In addition, we're currently facing a very real threat to women's access to abortion, and I want to draw attention to this and help prevent further attacks on reproductive rights. I have written about this in today's Guardian and I do hope that by bringing these issues to the fore, we can get people mobilised, and ensure that when the battles come - and they surely will - we will be ready to fight the sex-positive corner.

Bring it on.

Comments

// posted by thegirl @ 11:40:00 PM

Monday, November 07, 2011

Comedians: a list

Earlier today, I asked for recommendations of female comedians to follow/go and see live. The lovely people of Twitter did not disappoint; here is (in no particular order, but I have eliminated any non-UK based ones, sorry) the full list of recommendations from almost a hundred people:

Jen Brister
Andi Osho
Sarah Millican
Shappi Khorsandi
Helen Arney
Joanna Neary
Miranda Hart
Susan Calman
Josie Long
Jessica Fostekew
Viv Groskop
Catie Wilkins
Janey Godley
Maeve Higgins
Hannah Gadsby
Lucy Porter
Kerry Godliman
Sue Perkins
Nadia Kamil
Gina Yashere
Jo Caulfield
Andrea Mann
Dawn French
Jennifer Saunders
Jo Brand
Helen Keen
Kate Smurthwaite
Mel Metcalf
Bethany Black
Vikki Stone
Laura Carr
Bec Hill
Suzi Ruffell
Tiffany Stevenson
Ava Vidal
Holly Walsh
Zoe Lyons
Rachel Parris
Isy Suttie
Roisin Connaty
 Sara Pascoe 
Emily Watson Howes 
The Boom Jennies  
Jessica Ransom 
Jenny Eclair 
Jojo Sutherland
 Pauline Goldsmith 
Anna Crilly & Katy Wix
 Kate Lucas 
Sarah Bennetto
 Tara Flynn  
Eleanor Tiernan
 Celia Pacquola
Meryl O’Rourke
The Segue Sisters
Diane Spencer
Sarah Kendall
Laura Solon
Hannah Warman
Grainne Maguire
Natalie Haynes
Diane Spencer
Cara Cummings
Harriet Kemsley
Samantha Hannah
Hayley Crossland
Amy Hoggart
Sunna Jarman
Hannah Warman
Lauren Shearing
Steph Peart
Laura Lexx
Nat Luurtsema
Diane Morgan
Lizzie Roper
Miss D
Jane Hill
Hattie Hayridge

EDIT: I've not had time to add links to Twitter names (where applicable), but will add these to this list when I can.

Know of any omissions? Email Girlwithaonetrackmind AT gmail DOT com and I’ll update the list.

Know everyone on this list? Excellent, spread the word.

Don’t know everyone on this list? Search for a gig, pay your money, show your support.

Not enough of these talented funny women are on our TVs. Let’s fucking change that.

Comments

// posted by thegirl @ 11:25:00 PM

Friday, June 17, 2011

Single

I've often wanted to write a homage to Diamond Geezer's wonderful Single Life posts, but his succinct descriptions of single vs. coupled life are far better than I could ever come up with.

But I've been thinking about this quite a lot recently, and here are some I'd like to share:

Single: You can have sex with whoever you want, whenever you want.
Coupled: You have the best, most intimate, sex ever with one special person.

Single: You have the time to enjoy all the activities you want to do.
Coupled: You enjoy all the activities you want to do with someone else.

Single: You are free to hang out with your friends.
Coupled: You get to hang out with your best friend all the time.

Long-time readers might assume that the first on the list is the area closest to my heart (or other areas...), but actually it's the last; I miss my best mate.

Comments

// posted by thegirl @ 4:48:00 PM

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Slutwalk

It's not about 'reclaiming' the word slut; it's about opposing victim-blaming and challenging the sexist double-standards with regards to sexuality.

I'll be there on Saturday to make my voice heard, I hope you will too.

Comments

// posted by thegirl @ 5:18:00 PM

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Independent - update

PRESS RELEASE

ZOE MARGOLIS VS. THE INDEPENDENT ON SUNDAY

On 7th March 2010, The Independent on Sunday newspaper seriously defamed Ms. Margolis by referring to her as a “hooker” in the title of an article that she wrote for them, published in both the paper and online editions.

The resulting effect of this libel was immeasurable, and Ms. Margolis was forced to issue legal proceedings against Independent News & Media Ltd.

These proceedings have now come to a conclusion and substantial damages have been offered to Ms. Margolis for the distress and impact to her reputation, both personal and professional, that this libel caused.

There will be a statement read in open court in a hearing tomorrow, Friday 21st May 2010 at 10.30am, court 13 at the Royal Courts of Justice, The Strand, London.

Ms. Margolis will be available for interview or comment following the hearing.

Background to case:

Press Gazette
Journalism.co.uk
New Statesman
Guardian
Gawker

Court hearing:

Hearing information

Previously

Comments

// posted by thegirl @ 5:49:00 PM

Friday, April 16, 2010

Display

Dear Men,

Yes you. All of you. We need to talk.

Allow me to bring something to your attention, if I may. That being the problem of how you sit. Everywhere you are, you always seem to sit in the same way: with your legs spread widely apart; whether on the tube, in an office, or in that coffee shop in Soho last week, where you distracted me from my writing a post on my blog.

Here’s the thing: unless we are going to have sex, I really must ask that you keep your legs together - it would be hugely appreciated if you could. Don't get me wrong: I quite like seeing a man with his legs splayed when he is sitting down, but that, you see, is where problems arise (possibly literally, but we'll come to that later).

I like to think I am aware of the reasons why men might recline in this manner; if I had a penis I would probably sit that way too, so as to allow my crotch some space to breathe (and protect future generations with my virile sperm). I imagine, being a bloke, it is quite comfortable spreading one's legs apart: it certainly lowers the risk of getting one's dinkle stuck in an awkward position (and we've all heard the stories about penis fractures) (I've actually met one: it had broken at a right-angle - ouch) (I am relieved to say it still worked. Very well in fact).

It would appear that sitting like this, according to many body-language experts, serves the function of marking one's territory: spread-out legs take up space - which shows other men potential dominance of the physical surroundings. (Much like being a tom-cat, but without the bad smell.) (Hopefully.) Perhaps this highlighting of the groin area is an evolutionary trait to show potential mates what's on offer: allowing one to 'check the goods' prior to purchase (always something one should do). As if a big arrow was pointing downwards, a man sitting with his legs apart seems to be saying, "Look at me. Here I am. This is my penis. Isn't it great?!" I can certainly see the advantage in that, but herein lies the problem: with men's groins so blatantly on show, a woman like me doesn't know where to look.

Let's be honest here: I like to look at men's crotches. This is no secret; I have no embarassment in admitting it. It's not that I am interested in seeing how big or small their penis might be - far from it - rather, it's just nice to see what's there. In a sort of knowing-which-side-it-might-be-lying type of way, or even I-wonder-what-it-would-look-like-hard-underneath-his-trousers kind of thing. Normal stuff, basically. So when faced with a Cock Bulge On Display Because A Man Is Sitting There With His Legs Wide Apart, where else is a woman supposed to fix her eyes? Yes, I've tried to look at a bloke's face, or his hands, or even his feet, but with such a prominent visual display of genitalia, I find it hard to rest my gaze anywhere else but there.

My male friends tell me they have a problem with women who wear low-cut tops; that with any cleavage in view, their eyes are drawn to it - even if they don't find the woman attractive, or worse, she's a friend, they still cannot help but look. I know this isn't just a hetrosexual thing: a gay mate of mine admitted to me he was captivated by my boobs and spent much of an evening peering down my top (with my blessing, I should add: it’s just the staring without permission that annoys me). So likewise, men's crotches: if they are going to sit like that, displaying their bulges to the world, where else do they expect us women to look, I ask you?

I find this situation most unsettling, because whilst I may be checking out a guy's groin, I am not necessarily doing so because I want to shag him, and I would hate for him to think that I did, just because he spotted me cock-gazing. It's just that it's there... to be looked at. And I do; I can't help it.

So in order to avoid being caught staring at your crotches, it would help me if all of you men stopped sitting like that, and instead pressed your legs together in a dignified manner, thus hiding your packages from view. It would be better for all that way I think.*

Thanking you in advance,
Yours sincerely, in dark glasses to hide her eyes,
Girl x

*Unless of course you are in my flat because I am going to shag you, in which case, please do sit there with your legs wide apart and I will try to use telekinesis (or, failing that, some dirty-talk) to give you a hard-on under your trousers which I will thus grind myself against with great delight. Thank you.

[I thought I'd post up some extracts from my book. Hope you enjoy them.]

Comments

// posted by thegirl @ 2:14:00 PM

Thursday, April 15, 2010

THE GIRL’S GUIDE TO… Men: How To Get Laid When You Place An Advert On A Casual Sex Website.

1. Be grammatically correct. Placing an ad that is badly spelled or with terrible sentence construction doesn't bode well to anyone reading it; it just makes you appear stupid. Plus, you'll look like you're typing with only one hand, which although might be true, really won't assist you: horniness is no guarantee of success in the field of sex (actually, it probably lowers your ability to get lucky, if anything).

Example:

“cum smole weed with me today and let me get the munch where the sun don't shine,ill go down there for hours!”

I'm not sure where you might be going down darling, but it wouldn't be between my legs, that's for sure: I expect a man to be able to converse on at least a semi-intellectual level (when he comes up for air, anyway).

2. Don't appear desperate (even if you are). Have a wank, get rid of your excess horniness, and then post the ad. Do not, in any circumstances, be tempted to write something like this:

"i have the whole weekend scheduled off for sex but have no-one to do it with as yet"

Evidently. Looks like a weekend spent watching those new DVDs. Again.

3. Don't appear too picky:

"'m 35yrs, 191cm, 80kg, handsome, cultivated, successful and am looking for female companion (younger than 35yrs, BMI less than 25) to have fun with."

Specifying a particular ratio of a woman's height/size is not going to get you in her pants. Fact.

4. However, don't appear not to be picky at all - and then contradict yourself (using bad spelling and zero punctuation):

"can`t accomadate no time wasters looks unimportant pic a must"

And if you're going to request a picture, it makes sense to offer one in return. Otherwise women will just suspect you're going to use their image to wank to and not take you seriously. (See below.)

5. If you want to get laid, try offering more than just a soggy photograph:

“I'm looking for a woman to email me a sexy picture of herself, that I can print off and wank over. I'll then take a picture of my cock over your cum soaked picture and email it back to you.”

Been looking at too much porn, me thinks, if a bloke cannot relate to a woman unless she is 2D.

6. Be thoughtful about what you are going to offer the woman:

"Maybe you would just like to sit on top and ride me - I don't mind honest..."

Thank you - how generous of you.

7. Don't be arrogant:

"Sex can be devastatingly bad or just devastating. Choose the latter and drop me an email."

You won't pull if you come across as a wannabe-Casanova. Men who appear full of themselves generally turn out to be shit in bed. Most women know this, and those that don't soon learn - and spread the word.

8. Conversely, a man who shows basic wit and intelligence, and who can be mildly self-deprecating, would probably appear more considerate of a woman's needs in bed. Thus, more women would reply to his advert, ensuring a higher probability of him getting laid:

"Watery eyed albino seeks large gins and absolutely no sympathy from women who aren't that bothered about the fact that, to me, you probably just look like a shapely, yet smudgy blob in the middle distance. Must be prepared to put up with my walking into doors, abusing people with 20-20 vision and never getting a sun tan."

I'm betting this guy has had a few offers.

9. Don't bother putting pictures of your penis in the advert. Or, if you must, put a picture of your face alongside it. However nice your cock may be, in and of itself it isn't going to market your worth as a potential lover. If a woman was only interested in a phallus to play with, there are plenty of vibrators out there - and she'd be guaranteed a good orgasm with one. So please, be funny, be honest, show your face in the ad, and you're much more likely to get a response - and perhaps get lucky.

10. However, if your objective in the advert is not to get laid, and you don't mind women printing off pictures of your erection and using them to masturbate with, then please, feel free to post the cock pics - I need a few more for my collection.

[I thought I'd post up some extracts from my book. Hope you enjoy them.]

Comments

// posted by thegirl @ 4:02:00 PM

Info

Recent posts

Places to shop and visit

Stats and stuff

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Sex Appeal

Monday, November 07, 2011

Comedians: a list

Friday, June 17, 2011

Single

Wednesday, June 08, 2011

Slutwalk

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Independent - update

Friday, April 16, 2010

Display

Thursday, April 15, 2010