When he pulled out the buttplug, I knew this wasn’t going to be just a regular shag.

Actually, I knew that a few days prior: we had after all, discussed BDSM in some detail in the couple of occasions we had met up; both of us wanting to experiment, not having had much practice in our sex lives.

Given he had assured me that he wanted to be the dominant one and in charge, I was up for a little playing. What girl doesn’t want a little light spanking and rampant shagging from behind, I ask you? So when we met, I was rather excited to hear how he wanted to handcuff me, try out a paddle he had just bought and ‘force’ me to endure multiple orgasms before ‘allowing’ me to have his cock inside me. As we sat drinking coffee in Soho, I felt myself become wet as he detailed our little S & M play, and I almost felt to fuck him then and there.

But I didn’t. This was going to be planned-out casual sex: we were covering all bases, making sure that full consent was agreed upon, in the safety of a day-time public café; the hard-core fucking in candle-light would come later.

So we discussed all aspects of sex and BDSM; likes and dislikes; interests and turn-offs. As well as telling him how much I wanted to experience being submissive, I also mentioned that I was happy to switch positions: I do, after all, enjoy being an active partner in bed; I love to induce pleasure in another, teasing them until they cannot stand it any more – nothing gets me wetter, in fact, than a half-hour blow-job which ends up with my riding their cock. (The thing about ‘spitting or swallowing’ is irrelevant to me: 99% of the time, my blow-jobs end in penetration. Win/win, I reckon).

Anyway, I only mentioned my in-bed egalitarianism so that he would understand that it might be a little difficult for me to relax into the passive position of being submissive: being on top (literally) so frequently is what I am familiar with; it would take a confident, strong man to be able to take charge, throw me on my back, and fuck me with abandon. So I was rather hoping that he would assure me that that is what he wanted too.

What I wasn’t expecting, was for his eyes to light up, as I said I also enjoy dominating a man, and then to get asked if I had ever considered using a strap-on. Now, admittedly, this is actually a fantasy of mine: it’s long been something I have wanted to explore, because the inner pathways of a man’s pleasure are somewhat foreign to me. I have little experience exploring a guy’s arse; whilst I am fully aware of prostate pleasure, it is unfamiliar to me, so I am very keen to get to know it some more.

As I saw the excitement in his eyes as he popped the question, I didn’t think to hesitate replying ‘yes’: it’s not every day you meet an open-minded man who wants a woman to fuck his arse, so given the opportunity, of course I was going to be enthusiastic about it. It didn’t dawn on me until later, that actually he wasn’t dominant himself at all and my hopes of being submissive with him were going to be truly dashed.

I suppose I should have suspected the tables would be turned when he emailed me scores of images featuring men being fucked by dominatrixes. Whilst I liked some of the pictures, I found myself thinking, ‘this is all well and good, but what about MY getting fucked up the arse too, ‘eh?’ And in those same emails, long fantasies were detailed, all of which involved my dominating him and not the other way round, so I should have accepted then, that it was very unlikely that I would have my submission fantasies fulfilled.

But, you know, I was horny and up for some BDSM fun, so when the time came for our play-date, I went to his place with an open mind: anything could happen and as long as it was all within our previously agreed limits, I was cool with it all.

It was when he licked my stilettos that I began to have some doubts.

OK, look, I was wearing stockings and I do have quite nice legs if I say so myself, so if a man wants to kiss the length of them and caress my feet, I’m more than happy to oblige him. And if he then wants to suck a toe or two, who am I to complain? But lick the entirety of my shoe? Suck the heel? Roll his tongue around the in-step? I may not be experienced in BDSM-play, but as far as I know, foot-fetishism is no practice for a dominant man, and it was at this point that it hit home that tonight it wasn’t going to be me that got fucked.

I was a bit frustrated by this: the whole reason I had answered his ad, was because I wanted to experience being submissive in bed – and that is what he was offering - so it was with some disappointment that I faced up to the reality of the situation. Though gutted about it all, I figured fuck it: I’m here now, may as well attack the situation with gusto. So I did.

Once I knew he was submissive himself, I got into a dominant role and – to his rock-hard delight – stayed there all night. It wasn’t particularly difficult to do: I am, after all, very assertive in my day-to-day life, so transferring those skills in bed isn’t a far stretch. Though I don’t sit on many men’s faces during the day, it has to be said. (Well, occasionally, but minus the suffocation factor I was doling out to him).

At some point in the evening – when I had had him on the brink of orgasm many, many times - and I could sense he really, really wanted to come, I told him that I was going to fuck him up the arse. I was planning to do this with a couple of fingers, but when he enthusiastically reached across and handed me a buttplug, I knew he had other ideas. I told him to play with himself as I lubed it up, and as he watched me, his cock leaked so much pre-come I knew he wouldn’t last very long. I began to whisper to him, telling him what I was about to do, that he was going to get fucked by me and that his arse was mine, that he had no say in the matter, that I was going to fuck him and that was that. And as his breathing intensified, I slowly nudged the tip of the plug against his arse.

I didn’t have to press it there for long: he spread his arse cheeks with his hands and pushed himself against the plug, allowing it to enter him with ease. I took my time inserting it; I didn’t want to rush (or hurt) him. As the plug filled him in its entirety, he groaned and his eyes rolled back and I knew he wasn’t far off.

‘You’re a good boy, aren’t you?’ I said, swivelling the plug inside him.

He nodded, biting his lip, groaning.

I smiled at him. ‘You like me fucking you do you? I’m fucking your arse and there is nothing you can do about it’

He moaned and I felt his body shake.

‘Come on’, I said, ‘open that arse up – take it. Your arse is mine. Take it.’ I pushed the plug into him as far as it would go and gripped his balls. And then I switched on the vibrator. As soon as he slid his own fingers around his cock, he began to spurt all over his stomach, his chest and his face; his entire body clenched up and he let out an animalistic groan.

‘Good was it?’ I asked a few minutes later, when he had calmed down somewhat.

He nodded, grinning widely. Pleased with the result, I lay next to him and we made small-talk for a while. Then I demanded he finger me, which he did, eagerly, and soon after, I made my way home.

All in all, it was an interesting evening, but overall it was disappointing. I may have had five or six orgasms, but I would have swapped all of them for one big one, induced via a good, hard rogering. This makes me sound ungrateful – and maybe I am – but when a girl needs a good dicking, tongue action doesn’t quite cut it. Even though his tongue was pretty much on tap all night, it felt unfulfilling: I had wanted to get fucked, and instead it ended up being me fucking him.

Still, I’m glad I now have some experience using a toy in a guy’s arse: this will come in handy for when I meet that special man in my life, who will (hopefully) be into such playing. I pray that he will also be into dominating me too: I can’t think of anything more boring, than my always being in control – sometimes even a feminist like me likes a man to take charge. Only in bed though – if a bloke thinks he’s going to order me around outside of it too, he’s got another thing coming - and I'm not talking about him climaxing. If anyone's going to be having an orgasm, it'd better be me - at least the first three, anyway.