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Sunday, December 24, 2006


Enlightening conversations I have had this week:

1) An old work colleague:

Him: “So, what have you been up to?”

Me: “Do you know?”

Him: “Er, yes, I do.”

Me: “How did you hear about it?”

Him: “’By day she worked on Harry Potter, but by night…’”

Me: “That was a complete load of bollocks; they made most of it up you know.”

Him: “I thought as much – wankers. “

2) An old acquaintance:

Him: “I’m so fucking happy for you; you’ve done great.”

Me: “Thanks, thanks so much, that’s really kind of you.”

Him: “And I’ve been reading bits of your book out to the guys at work.”

Me: “You’ve been what? Oh come on, don’t do that!”

Him: “But they like it: it’s hot! You are one horny woman!”

Me: “That’s me you’re talking about you know; that’s my life, not some fictional character. The fact you know me and are talking about me makes me quite uncomfortable.”

Him: “Oh. I see. Well I won’t do it again then.”

Me: “Thank you; that would mean a lot to me.”

Him: “So, when are you going to sign my book?”

3) A mate:

Him: “How’re things?”

Me: “Good: been busy writing; doing interviews; answering queries – it’s all a bit surreal really…”

Him: “Did that masseuse ever sort you out?”

Me: “What?”

Him: “That massage you had…”

Me: “I never told you about that.”

Him (blushing): “I read it on your blog.”

Me: “You read my blog?!”

Him: “Yes.”

Me (putting my head in my hands, mortified): “Oh, I see.”

Now I know that my friends, acquaintances and old colleagues might be reading this (hello!), I want to take this opportunity to wish you all – as well as my blog readers – a very Merry Fuckmas.

May everyone enjoy lots of festive shagging over the next few days; I certainly aim to...

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