Just over a month ago, I was outed
by the press. No longer anonymous, my real identity was thrust – unwanted – into the limelight; I felt completely exposed and so, hid myself away
, both figuratively and literally, to protect my privacy.
Fast forward to now. Whilst I’m emotionally still trying to get to grips with this whole experience, I’m also feeling stronger; I have more resolve; I have rediscovered my ‘fuck you’ attitude. I’ve always been someone who stands by her word and her beliefs; this is no different: I feel determined not
to allow what’s happened to silence me – it’s just not in my nature to stay quiet.
Whilst I’ve been turning down media opportunities left, right and centre over the last few weeks, I have now decided that it’s about time I pulled my head out of the sand, put my brave face on (with three inches of make-up of course) and continued to use my voice, like I always have done, to make some noise - outside of the blog. Because, if I don’t
speak up, my silence will insinuate that I am ashamed about what I have done, and what I have written about - and whilst nothing could be further from the truth, by staying quiet it’ll mean the scumfucks who outed me will have won.
So tomorrow I’ll be appearing on television for the first time, talking about the blog and book with Sharon Osbourne on her show
. It was taped (as live) yesterday and screens on ITV1 at 5.00pm GMT Thursday 14/9.
I was utterly nervous: given that I always wanted to remain anonymous, it was terrifying
to walk out - as myself - in front of a huge studio audience, surrounded by five cameras, and be interviewed by Sharon. Not that she wasn’t nice – she was lovely – but I never thought that it would be me
sitting on the couch with her: I’ve always been behind
the scenes when something’s being filmed, and suddenly being the focus
of attention was completely nerve-racking for me.
I suppose it didn’t help that as I was about to walk onto the set, two male crew members chatted about me:
“That must be Abby”, the older bloke said, gesturing towards me.
“Who’s that?”, the younger guy asked.
“That’s the girl who’s shagged loads of blokes and written about it”, the older one replied.
The younger man nodded in recognition and they both stared at me as I made final adjustments to my bra (wanting to limit the cleavage in shot - not an easy task) before I walked on. Really helped my anxiety levels that did… Anyway, it was my first TV appearance so do cut me some slack if I look a nervous twat, cheers.
I have a huge favour to ask: could someone please record the segment, upload it to You Tube and post the link in the comment box here - I’d be forever grateful, thank you.UPDATE:
With massive thanks to Swatfox and Stefan, you can now watch my interview here
, and here