I have a theory. It’s based on my experience, not scientifically accurate in any way, and most likely incorrect, due to massive generalisations I make, but I think it has some validity all the same:

Men that wank too hard, can experience difficulty having penetrative sex with women.

Now, I don’t mean to say that all men who enthusiastically embrace their cocks have problems with intercourse - far from it: I’m all for men who enjoy self-love with a passion. Instead, what I am talking about here, are men who, quite literally, attack masturbation with such gusto, that anything else pales in comparison: vaginal penetration, for them, means a loss of friction and sensation. This then results in decreased pleasure, and thus difficulty climaxing inside a woman.

Why have I come up with this conclusion? Because I think that aggressive, rampant, intense wanking desensitizes men's cocks, making intercourse a disappointing experience for them (and their partners) and I think this is a tragic shame. I also want to challenge the myth of it being women who solely experience difficulty in climaxing: some men cannot obtain an orgasm through penetration either, no matter how much they thrust and grind.

I may not be a bloke, but it seems pretty obvious to me, that when a man uses his hand to grip his cock hard and fast, the sensation is going to be unlike anything a pussy can simulate; no matter how tight, how rampant, how intense vaginal penetration might be, it cannot compare to his tight fist tugging away. And it is this tugging that I think quite literally numbs these men to the sensations of penetration.

Only familiar with a firm grip producing their climax, the delicacies of intercourse pass these men by. They are not able to sense the subtlety of a vagina pulsing and clenching; they cannot focus on how wet and slick a pussy might be; they might not notice the fluctuations in heat, tightness and softness; they cannot feel the contractions of a female orgasm occur, the billowing of the internal vaginal walls softly caressing their cock head. They miss out on all this, I believe, because they have desensitized their cock’s ability to feel, by tugging it so rampantly.

I’m not going to say I have the tightest pussy in the world and that the men who have had difficulties climaxing with me, are weird somehow, for not exploding deep within me; that would just be stupid, and vain, and even I don’t think my pussy can work magic (well, not all the time, anyway). But I will vouch for my pretty decent, intramuscular vaginal ability, given 15 years of doing Kegel exercises, and I think I’ve picked up some respectable sexual skills from the lovers I have had, so when faced with a guy for whom my pussy seems to do nothing for, I will admit it has surprised me a little.

However, I’m only mildly, momentarily, insulted by their lack of appreciation for my internal cock-grip; sex is, after all, about more than just how nice my pussy feels (surprising, I know). I’m always keen to do other things; to experiment and play in order to obtain mutual pleasure. So besides dropping to my knees for a wet blow-job/hand-job/cleavage combo, I’ll also quite happily give a guy a seductive look and ask him to play with himself for me. This achieves two things:

1. It shows me what method of penis stimulation he enjoys, and how best I might help him achieve orgasm
2. It turns me on to watch him wank
   

The second point of course, goes without saying – you could call it a favourite pastime of mine – it works as foreplay for me regardless of anything else he does (which always comes in handy, should he be clumsy or inefficient with his hands or mouth). The first point though, is what I consider to be one of the most important aspects of sex: finding out what the other person enjoys – and learning how to do that for/to them.

So, watching a man wank – getting some insight into his personal, private self-loving activity – is the thing that I ask almost every lover I have had, to do. I am not a mind reader or an expert in bed: I too need guidance in order to pleasure someone. Watching a man masturbate gives a few minutes of insight into his individual sexual preferences, and, I have found, offers clues as to his enjoyment (or not) of penetrative sex.

I have noticed major differences between the men that have played with themselves in front of me. There are some men who touched their cocks so lightly, you’d be surprised at the rigidity of their erections; their penis being so sensitive, even their finger gliding along the shaft induced a strong throb and large drop of pre-come. There are men who just squeezed the tip with their fingertips and their cock pulsed in response. There are men who could climax just by holding their balls and pressing down on their cock with the palm of their hands. And then there were the men who grabbed, tugged and throttled their penis so fast and so hard that their hand motion was a blur; their cock quite literally, taking a bashing. I have watched many men masturbate in front of me and of them all, men that perform the latter action appear to also have had the most difficulty coming whilst inside me.

I don’t think this is a coincidence. I really believe that the lovers who were able to come with ease, also had the most sensitive cocks. They were, without fail, also the most sensual lovers I have had; they were able to be inside me, not moving, and yet could come just from my pussy clenching around them. The sensitivity in their cocks allowed them to climax in whatever way they chose: slow, fast, deep, shallow, soft, hard – not just having to pump in and out as fast as they could in the hope of them achieving orgasm.

The men who could only tug themselves into oblivion always seemed to be missing out when inside me; their cocks only responding to intense friction, their orgasms dependent on repeated – and firm – stimulation, which of course, my vagina could not provide. Faced with a soft, fluttering pussy, rather than a solid grip, the men who were used to hard wanking found it didn’t fulfil their needs, and so couldn’t climax – unless they pulled out and frantically tugged themselves off.

Watching – and being with these men – saddens me. It reminds me of awkward teenage sex; where no-one really knows what they’re doing, or how to have fun. I make this connection, because seeing a man who can only climax in this limited way, makes me think that he’s still somehow at that awkward teenage stage: not quite sure what to do, not experienced in various ways to feel pleasure, but knowing that the end result feels bloody nice, so he might as well do what he’s always done, because, well, that works, doesn’t it?

I don’t think it does. These men are being robbed of their sensitivity – and thus their ability to enjoy sex to the fullest. I think these men need to unlearn their rough, frantic, rampant masturbatory habits; they need to discover new ways to enjoy their desire; find out just how pleasurable a really sensitive penis can be. By slowing down, by exploring themselves, softly, gently, they’ll discover a whole new way to experience their arousal. And this will help them to really know – perhaps for the first time – just how wonderful being inside a woman can feel.

If there are any men who might relate to this, I would say open your mind, take your time touching yourself, or use a toy to increase your sensitivity, and you’ll learn a whole new way to have fun with your cock. And when you next have vaginal intercourse, your penis (and your partner) will thank you for it, I guarantee it.