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Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Lesson: 1 

Do not, after receiving a series of anonymous text messages from an unknown mobile phone number, respond with -

'If you're going to send anonymous texts, at least ensure you use the correct grammar and capitalise your words. In sending me this childish crap, you have only highlighted your immense stupidity, and that's made me even more sure that I have no interest in meeting up for a drink - let alone the fact that I don't know who you are.'

Do not do this, even if you think you are a smart-arse intellectual snob like me. Because, inevitably, the texts will be from an old boyfriend of more than a decade ago, and who, after being insulted about his lack of Queen's English, will then phone up, and angrily demand an apology, whilst accusing you of being unsympathetic to the fact that he left school at 15 and never had a formal education.

My feet might be big at size eight and a half, but evidently I am more than able to get them both into my mouth at the same time.

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