I cannot stop thinking of R (B's friend, the MMF fantasy). I imagine fucking him at least once a day (with or without B). I think I am obsessed: I keep replaying the time we met and wondering how it would have turned out if I had returned his advances that night.

So here's what really happened that night:

B had invited me to join him and his friends for some after hours drinking at R's pub; afterwards we were due to return to my flat together. By the time I got there, B was legless, unable to talk even. I ended up getting very drunk myself, and chatted away with B's friends. Later, B left me standing alone outside the pub at 3am waiting for a cab. At that time, I had deluded myself into thinking I had feelings for B and thus I was furious and sent the cab away; I planned to grab B and have it out with him. But he had collapsed in the house upstairs and was dead to the world.

R could see I was in a state, and invited me in, offered his ear and a bed to sleep in for the night. So I followed him upstairs and we sat on his bed talking for almost 4 hours. We talked about B and about R's ex and I felt relaxed and at ease with him. We started talking about sex and he asked me about the threesome with him, me and B: I shrugged it off, said 'maybe'. We spoke very intimately and I know we shared some personal stuff together that night: he told me that his sex drive was depleted since his girlfriend dumped him and that he wasn't even able to masturbate regularly. He also said he had never played with himself in front of a woman. I felt myself getting so turned on by him, I was so tempted to jump him. At some point I realised that our bodies were very close - almost touching - and I knew that if I returned his constant eye contact just a little more, we would have kissed.

With the ten whiskies and the state of my head & heart (not to mention B sleeping downstairs), I thought it would be a mistake to do anything with R. I made my excuses and went into the room he had set up for me to sleep in next door. He followed me in and gave me a full-body hug and a kiss on the lips. My entire body responded as if an electric jolt went through it, but with my head all messed up I just said 'good-night' and turned away and he left.

I was so horny when I lay in that bed, I had my fingers between my legs immediately. And then I heard him: he was playing with himself. The sound of a man masturbating is a wonderful thing for me; it gets me so hot. And I could hear him, the skin flapping, the 'schulch-schlup' of his hand moving up and down his cock, the soft moaning. And all I could think was that he was horny because of me as I was because of him and when I heard him groan loudly through the thin walls that divided our rooms, I rubbed myself to abandon and fell asleep.

I left the next morning with B. We had a huge argument then some shit sex at my flat, and I told him we were finished (er, ok I have shagged him once since then - but I was desperate). I sent R a card to say thanks for being there for me (ok, it was also to give him my phone number) and I didn't speak with him again until I went to visit him at the pub a month later.

I know that it is highly unlikely that anything will ever happen with R, even with the connection and chemistry that was there that night. But I cannot get the fantasy out of my head that instead of sleeping (and playing) alone that night, instead I crept into his room and cuddled up with him. That I let him feel the breasts that he was so impressed by and how hard my nipples were for him. To feel his soft mouth against mine. That I would pull up my skirt and let him see my stockings and feel my wet thong. To take out his cock and get him to touch himself in front of me while I put my fingers between my legs. To push myself against him and slide his cock into me. And to fuck him slowly and deeply.

This is my current obsession. As I said, all the above, at least once daily. It's beginning to get to me. And knowing that he lives ten minutes from me is doing my head in. I want to see him so badly.

I'm hoping that by starting work on Monday I'll have enough distractions (work and men related) to get my mind off him. Until then, guess I'm gonna have to keep playing - speaking of which, I've got a kitty to cuddle right now...

I wonder whether other women who work in all-male environments respond to their colleagues in similar ways to me?

When I work on a movie I am one of the few women around. In some ways it's nice being the only female, but I get called "sweetness", "honey", "bunny" and "darling", whereas the guys call each other "mate" and sometimes I feel like I am just the 'token' woman to make up numbers.

I find the only way to challenge the chauvinism, sexism, sexual innuendo and macho posturing there, is to be more rude and more graphic than the guys. That way, I am treated with a kind of 'respect'* and am seen to have a brain.

So, 'retorts' that came out of my mouth today when I was surrounded by my male co-workers being their typically misogynistic selves:

"I'm happy to suck cocks/balls, but they'd better be trimmed (preferably clean shaven)"
"You'd better watch out, I'm the kind of girl who likes using lube on/in guys asses"
"Honestly, getting your cock out in the office does nothing for me if its flaccid my dear"
"I won't fuck stupid guys, sorry"
"I don't like fucking boring guys either"

What I want to know is: are these 'typical' responses for women in my position (in the minority and in a sexually charged environment) or are they just smutty witticisms normal for me - a girl with a one-track mind - to think (and say) and totally out of bounds for other women?

Any women out there relate to what I am saying? Any men wanna comment?



*I am not talking about real 'respect' in feminist terms; more that as a result of my outspokenness I am not ignored by the crew - a real problem for a lot of women on set.

For the following reasons I have come to the conclusion that the insatiability of my sex drive is now getting worse:

1) I am playing three times a day (and I am not pre-menstrual). And shortly after I've had a fiddle, I am thinking about the next one. My underwear seems to be in a semi-permanent state of dampness right now...

2) I am getting addicted to looking at porn. It used to be an occasional dabble, to wet my lips (so to speak). Now it is daily viewings. I am currently obsessed with (take a guess) one girl, two guys and some serious sucking/fucking combos...

3) After having sex with a guy, ten minutes later I am thinking about fucking someone else. Yes folks, even this one shocked me:

I ended up having sex with DM tonight (some good oral - he has a nice cock - and he is eager to reciprocate). But when we moved on from the foreplay we only fucked for five minutes and even though I climaxed twice, I still felt unsatisfied. I wanted a good hard shag - but DM was too far gone and couldn't last that long. And, unfortunately, his inane small talk bores the daylights out of me, so I left soon after we finished.

Driving back through London I realised I was in B's neck of the woods. I was SO tempted to pop round and get him to fuck me the way I wanted - really hard; there I was, heels, miniskirt, stockings and no knickers (B's favourite) and horny as hell - I felt like I hadn't had sex - which can't be right, surely?! Anyway, I resisted the temptation (thank god, he is an asshole after all), and now I find myself wide awake at almost 3am, and having to do 1) and 2) to satisfy me.

My conclusion: Sometimes it's hard to be the girl who has a one-track mind all the time...

I've been thinking about threesomes ALL night - it's made me have to play so much I've only had 4 hours sleep. In the name of science (ok, yes and to satisfy my burning desire for group sex), I would like to hear readers' own experiences. So, hence:

THIS WEEKS POLL

Have you ever had a threesome?

If Yes, then was it:

a) MMF?
b) FFM?
c) MMM or FFF?
d) All of the above?

If No, then which of a) b) c) or d) would you like to try?

I await your (hopefully detailed and explicit) answers with baited breath and wet fingers...

I am proud of myself; I have managed to fulfill a feat of endurance and willpower and maintain control over my body. No, I am not talking about running (although I can do 70 minutes non-stop now, and counting...). I am referring to not succumbing to my desires - I've done pretty well over the last few days:

Got in late and very drunk last night. By coincidence, DM (the internet man) was online too. We haven't fucked for a few months (he's good, but the fire between us isn't great). Anyway, we ended up in a damn hot cyber session, mostly talking about me sucking him off whilst another guy fucks me from behind (yippee, another guy who wants a MMF threesome!). It was great fun and he invited me over to his place today, which I was going to do.

After I'd had a play when I woke up today though, the idea seemed kinda less fun; I guess shagging B last week has made me much less 'on edge' and don't feel like I need to fuck someone - hell I am only playing twice a day at the moment, so I guess my sex drive has stabilised somewhat. Maybe I just like that I can say 'no' right now and am not a slave to my desires?

Speaking of which: I shall now proceed to audition some finger puppets - I expect a very good show tonight...

Pheromones: I am now convinced there is something in the theory of 'smell attraction'. Fate played me a beautiful hand today: Ginger lay next to me during the tummy class at the gym. Only inches away from me, I could smell him. Not that there was a distinguishable odour about him, more that he smelt like a man: sweet fresh sweat and pumping out Androstenone.

As I inhaled him deeply I knew instantly that my body was responding to his aroma. I felt my nipples harden, my breath quicken and I had an overwhelming desire to lean over him and lick the clean sweat off his neck and chest, then squeeze his ass and stroke his back. I found myself staring at the elastic on his boxer shorts wondering whether the pubic hair hidden below it was ginger as well. I then spent the rest of the class (ok, and the entire time on the treadmill too - 70 minutes today!) thinking about kneeling beneath him and sucking his lovely cock and (ginger) balls. When I got off the treadmill I had huge (and very visible) damp patches between my legs on my shorts.

If he's having this effect on me just from his smell, I can imagine how wonderful it would be to actually fuck him. I think I shall have to have him, even if he is young...

Todays observations:

1) The Darkness are now mainstream. I got a shock as I walked past the pool at my gym tonight; the old ladies were jumping up and down in their water aerobics class to I Believe In A Thing Called Love. Honestly, I couldn't stop laughing when I saw them do their star-jumps to Justin Hawkins singing:

"Touching me, touching you, touching me - God I'm touching you!"

2) A young girl (probably about 8 or 9) couldn't take her eyes off my boobs when I was in the changing room. She stared as I took off my bra. She stared as I put on the heart rate monitor (under my breasts). And she stared as I put on my sports bra. I felt like saying to her:

"Yes honey, they are breasts. One day you shall have your own 36DD boobs - but you need to chant (Judy Blume style) 'I must, I must, I must increase my bust' daily for it to work. Good luck my child, now STOP FUCKING STARING, IT'S RUDE!"

3) My nipples are always erect when I train. Is this because:

a) It's cold in the gym? (No, not really).
b) The friction from my sports bra during movement rubs against my nipples? (Perhaps).
c) I am aroused? (Hmm, quite likely).

Christopher Eccleston in 28 Days Later
Clive Owen in Croupier
Andrew Lincoln in This Life
Chiwetel Ejiofor in Dirty Pretty Things
Lennie James in Buried
Christian Bale in American Psycho
Christopher Meloni in Oz
George Clooney in Out of Sight
Viggo Mortensen in LOTR
Edward Norton in American History X
Orlando Bloom in Pirates of the Caribbean (in ten years when he's 'ripened')
Jake Gyllenhaal in Donnie Darko (ditto above)

Just thought I'd jot down a quick list of actors' I'd like to fuck. Give me a few years - I hope to have 'em all on my 'casting couch' by then...

So the peacock rockers picked up three Brit awards. Good for them. Glad to see The Darkness get some recognition.

Now if only my pain killers would kick in (damn time of the month: took three Ibruprofen an hour ago and zilch so far), I could get started on having a play whilst thinking about reaching my hands down into the depths of Justin's catsuit...

Current addictions/obsessions:

1) The obvious...
2) The treadmill
3) Writing my blog
4) Looking at the Extreme tracking stats for my blog (very addictive)
5) Burning CD's on my laptop (currently listening to The Strokes, The Darkness & Feeder)
6) Using my GHD ceramic hair tongs to enforce straightness on my hereditary thick and curly hair
7) Using eyebrow tweezers to pluck stray hairs in my bikini line (It's a daily occurrence since I discovered I liked the pain of it)
8) Checking imdb, corona, and the bbc daily for gossip and updates on the film I am (due to be) working on
9) Eating my low carb version of chocolate mousse (cocoa powder, sweetener and cream for those that are interested)
10) Thinking about sex - hey it happens so much it had to be mentioned twice :-)

Saw the following on Redwhore's blog:

"A woman can tell, by the way, when you're into it, versus just fucking it. (And there's nothing wrong with just fucking it, but GOD, there's nothing like someone having to stop repeatedly and breathe while softly rubbing your bottom with both palms, then swallowing deeply and pounding it twice before having to stop again..."

And I thought just how true this is. So many men just fuck and don't really feel the pleasure of it, nor do they extend that sensation by giving back to the other person (my recent shag B is a good example of this). Sometimes men just masturbate using a woman's body instead of their hand, and believe me, us women ALWAYS know the difference...

Oh shit. Does this mean I may not have a job?

I think I am a little euphoric. My brain is buzzing and all my muscles feel strong and energised. It seems that my hourly run on the treadmill tonight has left me in some kind of post-coital blissed-out state - not that I am complaining - if I can get the same rush from exercise as I do from sex, a lot of my problems may be solved...

Flirted with Ginger (the instructor) at the gym again this evening and hinted at buying him a drink at the 'do' next week; I reckon he'll show up. He is very cute and a sweet guy, but young. Not sure if I want the hassle of having to 'train' him up; it's a nice challenge, but I don't really have time for that in my life right now...

Watching The Darkness' new video Love is only a Feeling at the gym today reminded me how sexy Justin Hawkins is. I admit he has dreadful teeth, is skinny as hell and well fulfills the term 'geek' with his straggly hair. However, I also think he is a rock god and watching him grimacing (orgasm style) whilst he rubs his guitar against his groin (as if he was masturbating with it) whilst he plays it so furiously just wets my pants.

Also knowing that he goes commando style inside the catsuits he wears makes it a little harder for me to look at him without getting horny and combined with my enjoyment of the fantastic lyrics that he writes, you could well say that I have a crush on him. In fact I would go one further and suggest that a threesome with Justin and his younger brother Dan wouldn't be such a bad idea, but then, when was I ever original in my fantasies?! Anyway, I have to hand it to the Lowestoft boys: without them I would never have made it to my target of 60 minutes on the treadmill...

A quick thank-you to all the guys who've been responding to my penis/masturbation questions. Some very interesting replies so far, keep them coming! I have repeated the queries below for those of you too lazy to scroll down :-)

1) Are penis' slightly longer, shorter or wider (when erect) if they are not played with for a while?
2) If a guy abstains from masturbation (for a week lets say), will he last for a longer or shorter period of time when he next has penetrative sex?
3) And, if he does abstain, will the guys sex drive be higher or lower when he next gets laid?

Oh yeah, saw a fantastic t-shirt yesterday.

It had, on the front, in big letters:

I AM A VIRGIN

and beneath it, in very small letters:

this is an old t-shirt

I must get one...

So Sofia Coppola won nothing at the BAFTA's. I am a little disappointed I have to say. At the very least she should have got Best Original Screenplay if not Best Director (Peter Weir? oh please!) Both Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson picked up Best Actor gongs for their performances in Lost in Translation; it seems a little strange that the director didn't. I so wanted a woman to win...

On the subject of movies: the film I was due to be working on has been delayed for a little while so I still have a few more weeks to attend to my gym addiction, catch up with the latest releases at the cinema and hopefully get (another) pre-shoot shag.

I am still thinking about a threesome with B and R; I am at the (somewhat desperate) stage of hoping (ok, wishing) that B calls me so I can hint some more at it and get things in motion. It would be really nice to start on the film with a fit body, a clear mind and the memory of a hot night with two sexy guys...

I am a CSS queen! Ok, I am learning to be one... Currently I am testing out a new look for the blog which seems to be an improvement on the default template. (Still can't get rid of the random change of colour in my archives though!) I have also decided to include comments on the blog. Please keep your thoughts clean - the only one allowed to be dirty on here is me!

Speaking of which: seeing B a few days ago has got me a little obsessed again over having a (MMF) threesome with him and his friend R. I can't stop thinking about sucking B off while R takes me from behind. The thought of this scenario is now interfering with my day to day life; I almost didn't make it outside my flat yesterday, such was the frequency of my playing...

An interesting development has arisen at my gym - though not what I expected. I met a woman in the sauna there - she's one of those free-spirited women who don't give a shit - and she wants to go to the Candy Bar and pull some women there. I'm kind of up for it, but only half-heartedly, as I am much more into men. But if a (FFM) threesome is on the cards, I might just dabble...

I had forgotten how tiring it is to train in the gym after a night of passion (it's been a long time since I did both). I couldn't understand why my hour on the treadmill today was so draining; I could feel the lactic acid burning in my calves only half an hour in. And then I remembered shagging like crazy last night, with my legs tucked behind my ears - yoga style - and it became clear that my calves, hamstrings and quads weren't up to having two workouts within 24 hours.

At least by distracting my train of thought by thinking about last night, I was able to push myself past the pain threshold and complete the full hour. The only disadvantage was my pants getting a little wet while I was running, but by the time I had completed my workout both my t-shirt and shorts were soaked with sweat, so I don't think anyone would have noticed my 'inner thigh' dampness...

Also, Ginger was there again tonight, looking handsome as ever, which of course spurred me on to sprint the last 5 minutes of the hour (such a show-off) and push the weights even harder every time he walked past. Still not sure what to make of him, we talk about fitness, training etc and flirt outrageously with each other, but I don't know if there is anything else we can converse about. So I have decided to try to chat him up at the gym's 'night out' in a couple of weeks; with a couple of beers in me (and him) I'll be able to find out if and how he can stimulate me: cerebally or physically or (joy oh joy) both...

THE ZIPLESS FUCK

Read this article in The Guardian today and felt I had to comment on it.

I don't understand what the big deal is, it's nothing new that women want to have sex for the sake of it, and all the internet has done, is make attaining that pleasure quicker. It's definitely easier and less embarrassing to pull a guy from a sex chat site, than from a bar or club. And lets face it, you're not forced to listen to their life story or make bullshit chit chat when you've agreed to meet up just for sex from an internet site.

This article seems to be unable to qualify women wanting sex unless they are drunken 20-year olds, 30-something career women or women who are unhappily married (well at least these are the viewpoints of the women interviewed) And, to finish the article with the following quote just made me angry:

"There are really very few women who can detach their emotions from sex... I don't like to reduce things to our genetics, but we are hardwired to nurture relationships because, at the bottom of this, we could fall pregnant. So it ends in tears for a lot of women."

What a load of bollocks. Some women like one-night stands with fuck-buddies. Some like sex with people they just met. And some like anonymous sex with people they know absolutely nothing about. And in none of these situations, do emotions come into it. In fact, the only thing a woman feels is the throbbing between her legs, and this is the only itch she needs scratching.

I have a couple of these 'nameless' encounters worth mentioning:

The bus-stop boy

I was on my way back from celebratory drinking with a friend. Started chatting to this cute (and also drunk) guy on the bus on the way home. Turns out he lived down the road from me. We got off the bus together, started getting passionate at the bus stop, and ended up at his place moments later. He said he was 23, but I know he lied (the fact that he was still living with his parents was another give-away) and he started telling me his name, what he did for a living and other non-essential information. I held my hand over his mouth, and told him that I didn't want to know; wasn't it more sexy if we "fucked each other knowing nothing?". Well, it was, and we shagged the night away...

The internet personal ad man
We had had cyber sex and swapped pics a couple of times before we met up for drinks at a bar. The chemistry was superb and within an hour we had moved downstairs onto a couch, his hand between my legs, my hand on his cock. Inevitably this couldn't continue for long, and shortly after we ended up in the toilets fucking for dear life. Great sex, first name basis only and afterwards he became a fuck buddy for a few weeks, which was a bonus...


In summary then: wanting a committed relationship with one person is an entirely different thing and not the 'be all and end all' for women. I truly believe that if more women challenged society's' stereotyping about women only wanting monogamy, there would be a whole lotta females (and males) out there learning about and having better sex and that can only benefit our sexual (and personal) relationships in the long run.

I feel like a woman again. My world has restored its natural order. I am filled with a sense of peace and inner calm. And now I am now ready to start work on the film.

Yes, that's right, the girl with a one track mind just got laid. Happy day! I called B (the self-centred asshole) last night and (with some more text message persuasion regarding his cock in my mouth) he came over this evening.

It was all very organised - almost business like - he was in and out (of my flat) within 90 minutes and we both got what we wanted out of it. The sex was hot, hard and sweaty - just the way I like it. Obviously there was built up tension for both of us: we fucked with a passion that hasn't happened before and we climaxed together - which was also a first (well with B anyway). All good fun. And I don't have to share my bed with him tonight either, which is a bonus...

Was watching a tv show last night about men and their penis'. I have now come to the conclusion that I am more like a man than I realised, for the following reasons:

1) Like a bloke, I also have my hand between my legs when I watch tv, talk on the phone, sit on the computer etc. Not always done for sexual gratification; sometimes out of boredom or just to 'touch base'.

2) I need to climax to relieve tension, stress and anger as well as for sexual pleasure.

3) I always wake up horny and need to have a good frig to start the day off properly.

4) I also like to masturbate to send me off to sleep.

5) Often I need to play during the day as well and will go off into the toilets at work for a quickie.

6) I look at porn to get me off.

7) I get aroused just by looking at somebody.

8) Actually I get aroused by pretty much anything.

9) I can climax in three minutes flat.

10) And the obvious one: I think about sex all the time.

I am wondering if I have higher levels of testosterone than most women; this might explain the similarities between men and myself and the difference in sexual appetite between me and my other female friends. Surely there must be some kind of explanation...?

NB. Just discovered this website which states:
"Too much testosterone can turn them (women) into some form of nymphomaniac which may actually be inconvenient for certain situations..."

That's it! Now I understand, it's all clear to me. All those times where I am raring to go and the guy is too tired can now be explained by the high levels of 'man juice' in me. Talk about "inconvenient"...

Another couple of thoughts have sprung to mind:

1) Are penis' slightly longer or shorter (when erect) if they are not played with for a while?
2) If a guy abstains from masturbation (for a week lets say), will he last for a longer or shorter period of time when he next has penetrative sex?
3) And, if he does abstain, will the guys sex drive be higher or lower when he next gets laid?

I'd be interested to know if any guys have theories (or personal experience) about such matters...

Ouch. I am sore. I have sweated this evening and exerted myself to my limits. My legs, back and stomach have been pushed and pulled to their full extension and I am paying the price now: tired aching muscles. Sadly none of this is due to anything more exciting than my (now regular) hour on the treadmill and I'm only suffering due to a lack of sleep (4 1/2 hours last night) which has left my body a bit wrecked. I know that I've gone too far when I haven't even had a play - well not yet - anyway. The night is young!

Following on from my soul searching last night, today I have been having a mild identity crisis. I am wondering whether I am a Goy Toy.

Still debating whether to call B. It would be such a step back if I do. But I can't stop thinking about his cock. It has started to be an obsession now; I imagine it in my mouth at least once an hour. Dammit, stop it. I am only making it harder on myself. Willpower where are you?!

For some odd reason, I forgot I had vibrating dual balls; I just rediscovered them in my knicker (well, g-string to be exact) drawer. Hmm it must have been a few weeks since I last enjoyed their delights. I shall endeavour to treat myself to a long session tomorrow night...

I may be a girl with a one track mind, but a few other things have been occupying my thoughts today:

1) Does working on a (US funded) movie mean that I am sucking the cock of the multinationals? Since my politics lie within the region of anti-globalisation, anti-capitalism etc, have I sold out? Can I really expect to make a difference or create change in the (fucking sexist and racist) industry being the only socialist-feminist in the crew?

2) I miss stroking pussies. Not my own - which obviously gets lots of hand attention; it's playing with cats I miss. I have been dealt the double edged sword of not having a garden and working long hours often on location, which means any cat in my flat would be destined to a life of loneliness and boredom. I need some fur therapy...

3) Which burns more fat: running for 60 minutes on the treadmill, or pushing weights for 60 minutes? I need to know. ASAP.

4) Do all my (female) friends think I am a pervert? I suspect so. The irony is, they get more sex than I do. But hey, their sex lives sound dull (I mean, if they don't climax, what is the point?), so I guess its all swings and roundabouts (I know, a crap cliche, too knackered to think of another right now).

5) How much is too much? Once, twice or three times a day? You know what I am talking about...

6) Will I lose all my willpower and invite B over for a pre-shoot shag? It's getting harder to resist the thought by the day; I am entering my pre-menstrual stage shortly - there'll be no hope for me then...

7) They say 'never shit in your own back-yard' and I suspect I might be about to do that as some interesting possibilities have opened up for me at the gym, well -ish anyway. The nice guy I met last week (lets call him Ginger) is pursuing me. He's eager, which is nice, but something seems missing somehow. Maybe I just need him to have more edge? And the other instructor there - see the earlier blog, (now known as Blue Eyes), is still as cute as ever, but not really showing much interest. I know I shouldn't act on anything; it could mean I am prevented from visiting that gym again if it all blows up in my face. God forbid I miss my endorphin fix from my local gym, that'll never happen. Looks like it might end up having to be B servicing me after all...

Damn I wish I wasn't so crap with html. As any regular-ish reader will notice, I have been trying to keep my house/blog in order - and am failing somewhat miserably. Am currently contending with:

1) Boring layout.
2) Irregular font colours (so much for getting rid of the bland Blogger template).
3) The same font throughout the entire blog.
4) Inability to place link buttons in the right place.

Having a short attention span doesn't seem to be helping me: all the info I read up on seems to be directed towards web pro's. Any suggestions from bloggers reading this would be much appreciated, I need help!

Saw the link to my blog from Nutgroist's page and had a read of his blog too. Man, that guy is seriously funny. I think I shall have to become a regular visitor from now on. And, if you are reading this Nut, I would like to reiterate that I am most definately not a man writing this, though you may be correct when you suggest that I only have one hand free to type :-)

A strange few days have passed in which four interesting things have happened:

1) I managed to achieve my target of running for an hour non-stop on the treadmill. And not only that, beat it by five minutes. So I am now officially a smug git, with a healthy heart and body walking round with a huge grin on my face. Now all I have to do is set myself a new target - get the rest of the body rock-hard. Come summer I shall be parading my newly firm body...

2) I sent DN the pics. Ha ha. He was over the moon to say the least. The first one he got was a 3/4 body shot, me in a black pvc dress, zip down to the waist, cleavage out. He mailed me immediately, we got on MSN and then spent the next hour getting very heated, with me mailing him slightly more explicit stuff. Which was all well and fine for me, sat at home, hand between my legs; he however had a stonking hard-on and was stuck behind his desk at work. All good fun.

3) Met a nice (ie, clean, innocent-looking, young-ish) guy at my gym. Actually he works there. We spent an hour talking (ok, mostly about burning fat and anaerobic training), but he was flirting his ass off with me. Something to work on I think, but he's not the sort of guy I would jump straight into bed with (it would corrupt him, perhaps even damage him for life I reckon)...

4) B called me yesterday to "see how I was doing". What is it with guys? Talk about ambiguous behaviour. The last time we spoke we argued, and I said not to contact me again. Now he calls me as if nothing has changed between us. Anyway, he didn't ask to come over - which was unusual, though he did try to leave the situation open between us. I dunno, he may be an asshole, but I do really need to get laid before I start on the film in two weeks and I am still having crazy fantasies about him. Maybe I should just call it 'one for good luck'?

55 minutes running on the treadmill, 60 minutes pushing weights, 30 minutes stomach crunching, 10 minutes wanking in the gym toilets. Not sure why I was so horny, I had a play before I went to the gym, thought that would take the edge off for a while, obviously not...

I was thinking about DH (another cute friend of B's) whilst I was on the treadmill, but that was only a mild distraction (involving my hands grasping his cock tightly; I may further that fantasy later tonight...) Maybe it was the stomach exercises that got me so hot: all that transversus abdominus stomach tightening tugged on my pelvic floor muscles. As any lady knows, flexing the pelvic floor can, in and of itself, pre-empt or even cause a fantastic climax. I guess this would explain why by the time I made it to the toilet cubicle my underwear was soaking wet - and not from sweating during my workout.

All good fun, though not the most sensual or sexy environment to have a fiddle it has to be said. I had to make my sharp breathing and moans almost silent: the old women coming for their evening swims decided to discuss the latest in weather forecasts directly outside my cubicle. Still, didn't stop me from having a great play...

Finally able to get back on the net again: it's only taken three visits by BT engineers to (hopefully now permanently) rectify the fault on my telephone line, grr. Funnily enough, I was almost caught in a compromising situation earlier by one of the engineers. There I was, dressed up to the nines, black pvc dress, stockings and 'fuck me' stillettos' on (no, not my everyday clothing, contrary to what you might believe - I was actually having some fun, taking some 'personal' pics to send to DN) and low and behold, the engineer is back at my door. A swift superhero-like clothing change was needed and luckily I am quite skillful in ripping my clothes off at a moments notice :-) so no embarrassment on my part, thankfully.

Had an interesting day yesterday, went to visit the film studio where I will be working shortly. Everything is gearing up to start shooting, the atmosphere is electric. I still get so much excitement being around it all happening: I can't wait to start on the film. And, I can't wait to get to know the actors.

Speaking of challenges: I am now only 10 minutes away from my target of being able to run non-stop on the treadmill for an hour. That's right, a few days ago I ran 50 minutes non-stop and have felt rather smug about it since! I guess I'll have to set a new target soon...

Q. When is a vibrator not a vibrator?
A. When the motor has broken, and it has to be used as a dildo instead - like my favourite 7 1/2 inch pink jelly one. Not even Duracell will bring it back to life...

It seems my theory ([PE + HIE x D = D(2)/SA] where PE is Physical Exertion, HIE is High Impact Exercise, D is Duration, D(2) is Decrease and SA is Sexual Appetite) is incorrect. (Thank god). In fact, a short while after writing yesterdays blog I found myself having a play. Nothing changed there then.

And today has been somewhat challenging in the desire department - even though I ran for 45 minutes (45!) non-stop on the treadmill. In fact it has got to the point where I am going to have to do something about it - fiddling just ain't hitting the spot - I need a man! I realise that it has been a while since I had a really good shag, (you can't count the fuck-up that was the drunken B fumbling a month ago).

I may have to call on DM, who 'serviced' me a few months ago. We have fun together, and he's not bad in bed, but the heat ain't all that and sadly, he is a little dull intellectually, so that limits any pre-or-post coital mental stimulation. Still, the kind of stimulation I'm looking for right now is a little lower down in my body so maybe that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make...