Friday, March 18, 2005
Monday = 2
Tuesday = 3
Wednesday = 4
Thursday = 4
Today = 5 (and counting)
That's the current tally for this week.
No, not how many men I snogged.
Nor is it the amount of well-paid glamorous jobs I turned down.
No: it's just the number of times each day that my hand has wandered in between my legs in order to satisfy my craven desire.
Not much has changed in The Girl's world then: a lack of sex, as horny as ever, and the added challenge of hormonal neediness due to the usual monthly pre-menstrual tension.
But this month's PMT week has seemed a little more frustrating for me: not only in the amount of times that I am playing right now, but also with the content of my fantasies.
Usually I am just your 'normal' type of girl: I feel horny, someone springs to mind, I grab my favourite vibe, or utilise a couple of fingers, imagine fucking that person and then bring myself off (just the once thank you very much, I am not so greedy on my own. Actually, I am just lazy and can't be bothered to carry on).
This week however, I have felt depraved, dirty, base even.
The normal 'ooh he's sexy, god I'd like to feel his cock inside me' has been far from my mind.
Instead I have been imagining more extreme scenarios, ones where I am called a 'dirty little slut', am bent over, spanked firmly and then fucked hard from behind. Where I have no say in what happens; the guy uses his cock to fuck me in whatever way he pleases, and I just take it.
In these fantasies, there is no agreement or consent on my part about what happens, the guy just takes what he wants (unlike in real life, where a discussion should always take place about what is ok and what isn't: sex must always involve consensual agreement without coercion). But in my mind, the thought of a guy taking control, using me for his own pleasure, feeling the rawness of his passion: jesus that gets me off.
So whilst I've been lying there this week, with my hand in between my legs fantasising, the guy isn't asking me if 'it's ok' or what I 'might want'; he is instead pushing me over a couch, pulling my skirt up, ripping my pants off and shoving his cock inside me hard.Of course this is something I'd like to explore in real life (after talking through the scenario with someone of course), but I feel almost embarrassed to say to a guy, "Would you please take advantage of me and fuck me so hard with your cock, I am gasping to catch my breath?"
I mean, it doesn't quite match my feminist outlook, does it? I guess I still haven't got my head around what seems like a contradiction to me: fulfilling my desire to be dominated vs. not perpetuating the stereotype of women only being passive creatures waiting to be seduced.Plus as much as I desire the forceful dominant man to have his wicked way with me in my fantasies, I guess life would be boring if the tables were never turned and I didn't get to do the same with him: it's nice to be on top, literally.
So here's to a busy weekend, lots of playing, and thoughts of being fucked as hard as I can take it, with a dash of strap-on male arse-fucking for good measure.