Like many women, there was once a period in my life where I found it difficult to climax.
to now - thankfully.
But back in my early twenties, when I was seeing R, I almost never
came: I was sure that it had something to do with his
coming only minutes
after he had penetrated me.
I was right.
R was a lovely guy. 6 years my senior, softly spoken and similarly gentle natured too, he was the light of my life for many months.
I idolised him.
Which of course made it all the more difficult for me to be open with him and let him know that I was unsatisfied sexually, without hurting his feelings or damaging his ego in the process.
Our sex life was mediocre. We would fumble some sort of foreplay, before he would enter me, thrust a few times and then he would climax. By the time he was finished, I was just getting started, but with my lack of confidence and his lack of enthusiasm, I would never get finished off afterwards. Instead I would lie there, with him snoring next to me, wondering how it was that he
got all the fun and I
I began to realise that our timing was out. When he was ready and eager to get inside me, I was needing more stimulation. It was no wonder that I wasn't coming: we weren't synchronised.
I thought long and hard about what to do.
It's not like I could have said:
"R, couldn't you hold back a bit longer before climaxing, so that it'll give me a chance to come?"
I mean, I could have said that, but didn't really want him to go soft as a result of anything I said, which would be pretty much guaranteed if I said something as spiteful as that.
I pondered asking him to give me a bit more foreplay - play with me a little - but ruled this out too: he wasn't that
good with his hands or mouth, and given the choice, I would always
chose cock over foreplay. Anytime
Damn. What to do?
And then it struck me:
The holding off
The delaying of penetration until I was gagging for it.
The answer? Make me beg for his cock. Or, at least, make him think
that I wanted to beg for his cock, before he gave it to me.
It was actually a lot easier than I thought, to suggest it. Rather than come right out and demand that he teased me, I flirted with the idea one night:
Me (his cock in my hand, giving it light licks occasionally): "R, you want to know what really
turns me on?"
Him (eyes semi-closed, grinding his hips in towards my mouth): "Mmm, what?"
Me: "Well, you know how much I like your cock? How I love
feeling it inside me?"
Him (eyes open now, smiling at me, looking down at his cock pulsating along my lips): "Yeah, I love it too, you always feel fantastic"
Me (swirling my tongue along the shaft of his cock): "Well, because I like it so much, because it turns me on so
much, I want for you not
to give it to me"
Him (confused, but with his cock still bouncing along on my tongue): "You want me not
to give it to you?"
Me (sliding the length into my mouth and then all the way out again, before speaking): "Yes. Don't give it to me. It'll drive me crazy
Him (grabbing his cock and whacking it softly against the side of my face): "I'm not sure if I get you. How do you mean?"
Me (nibbling the head): "I want you to withold
giving me your cock. Not let me have it. It'll drive me crazy"
Him (paying attention now): "Really?"
Me (squeezing his cock tightly in my fist): "Yes. I'll be begging
for it, if you won't let me have it"
Him (glee in his eyes): "Mmm, begging, I like the sound of that"
Me (sliding my hand along the shaft of his cock): "Yes, even if I beg, you mustn't
let me have it. I'll be going spare, pleading with you, but you mustn't give in to me - no matter what"
Him (getting excited by the prospect, plus he was enjoying the handjob): "Yeah. I won't give it to you, not even if you cry for it"
Me (both hands on his cock now): "Yes, but if I beg and beg and plead and cry, you'll give it to me eventually, yes?"
Him: "Hmm. I might
And low and behold, it worked.
When we next were in bed, instead of ramming his cock in me the first opportunity he could, or fumbling around with bad foreplay, he stayed fully clothed and refused to let me play with him at all. I honestly couldn't have hoped for better: I got to dry hump him for ages - the perfect non-direct clitoral stimulation that I needed to a) give me an orgasm, prior to penetration and b) make me wet enough for penetration when it (finally) happened.
Plus, by "denying" me his cock - ie, by getting me turned on enough to have enjoyable penetration - our levels of excitement became synchronised for the first time. So when he eventually "gave in" to my "demands", the three minutes of penetrative sex that he was capable of was more than enough to bring me off too. We came together for the first time that night. It was wonderful.
Being with R taught me that sexual skills, experience and ability to delay orgasm weren't necessarily what was important when it came to having mutually enjoyable sex. It was more about the connection, the synchronicity, the understanding of the others needs, that would enable both people to enjoy themselves equally.
Plus of course, it taught me that to get what I want in sex, I should always ask my partner when I had his cock in my mouth.
A very valuable life lesson I think. Ahem.