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Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Fuck Buddies - Rules and Regulations

I'm thinking that there should be some type of rule-book on being a fuck-buddy, a 'how-to' as it were. Normally I would just agree to having non-emotionally binding/no expectations sex with someone without there being a (verbal or written) contract of sorts, but since my no-strings fuck with SP this week has now become somewhat confused, I am changing my mind.

I know Belle De Jour has her rules, I'd like to add mine to the list:

1. There should be respect between the two parties. If you are going to be fucking the living daylights out of someone, you should have the decency to keep to the arrangement (or cancel in advance) and be on time for the event.

2. If you are planning on only having a quick shag and have other plans afterwards, it's only decent to let the other party know that you are slotting them into a 'window' and avoid any disappointment (they may have been expecting a long night of passion), a quick shag can easily be rearranged.

3. There is no need to spend time discussing the other persons’ day/time at work/boyfriend/girlfriend/politics etc. You are not interested in debating the weather. You want sex with them. Tell them that, cut to the chase, make use of the time you have and enjoy.

4. Likewise, if you are going to call or text your fuck buddy during the week, don't make idle chit-chat; talk dirty, tell them you want them, arrange the next meeting and get off the phone.

5. Don't apologise for what you want, be polite, flirtatious and firm; make it clear that you don't want any emotional attachment and check that your partner wants the same. Mutual consent = good sex.

So SP and I had booked a night together for this week. He agrees to leave work early so we can have more time shagging. I'm thinking 5 maybe 6 hours of sex, then I leave. I'm looking forward to it (when am I ever not?). Scores of scenarios are springing to my mind: SP tells me he's planning a long slow licking of me, I'm hoping to have lots of cock in mouth action, and also that we'll have a really long slow fuck (as opposed to our 3 micro-fucks recently). I'm planning what clothes to slide into, which condoms to take with me and whether or not to wear any underwear (FYI I chose commando), when SP texts me:

"Won't be able to leave work til 7, still up for being eaten if that's not too late?"

Which I'm ok with, we all gotta work, I understand, I say ‘Yep’. Then he adds:

"And I gotta meet up with a mate to organise a stag do, but I’ll do that later."

And I'm thinking: later? Like when? 9 or 10pm? He wants to slot me in to a 2 hour slot (not forgetting the other 2 hours for me to travel to his place and back)? We planned this over a week ago, and only now does he mention this 'window'? He just broke rule number 1 and 2 simultaneously. Plus, SP's been breaking rule number 3 and 4 all week, getting all chatty with me, talking about work, how I am etc; whereas I've been sticking to them: being friendly but flirtatious, always referring to sex in my texts.

And I've nothing against a 2 hour shagging session, but I think I deserve more time than that to fuck his brains out, especially seeing as its been almost 3 weeks since we last shagged; if he was only planning a short session he could have let me know before now, so that I could make other arrangements if I wanted. I think I may just cancel with him anyway - see him when he (and I) have more time – this Girl has got to learn to be able to say ‘No’ sometimes….

Which will be hard for me, especially when it comes to RB. We spoke on the phone tonight – he is really lovely, we shall be going out sometime this week. And I really don’t want him to be a fuck buddy, I want to get to know him, see if there’s something that can develop. My plan of action, to NOT sleep with him:

a) See him in daylight hours
b) Drive, so that I can’t drink alcohol
c) Meet somewhere central and neutral (not near either of our flats)
d) Wear boring underwear (er, do I have any?)
e) Not to shave my legs

And keep saying ‘NO!’ over and over again in my head. Or failing that find out where I can buy a female chastity belt…

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