I am weak. After everything I have said this week, I am a hypocrite. B called me today. All my planning and preparation for this inevitability couldn't stop me answering the phone. As I picked it up, I regretted it: he was in a local pub, drunk as usual, wanted to come round.

Thankfully, by some strange act of fate, I had minutes before only just finished having a mid-afternoon play, so at that moment not ruled by my hormones, I was able to turn him down. He seemed disappointed and I was jubilant; I had won! My willpower and determination not to succumb to my desires had proved I had strength and self-worth and I knew I didn't need him.

And then... I spent the next hour in a battle between my rational mind and my hungry pussy. I knew that B would be nothing but trouble, plus he was drunk so the amount of fun I would have had would have been limited. But remembering his cock and his lovely chest made me want him even more and the hunger started to devour me. I found myself jumping in the shower, slathering on the coconut body cream, and setting aside a cute little brown skirt to wear.

Of course I wanted to shag him rotten again, but another part of me wanted him to see me looking stunningly sexy and to be able to turn him down face to face - a kind of ultimate rebuttal for him and ultimate in self-respect for me. So, being a masochist (and a weak-willed sex fiend), I decided to call him and no amount of willpower was able to stop me.

I asked him if he was still local and if so to meet for a drink. Thankfully he had gone home already and I said goodbye. I hate myself for giving in and phoning him, but I am also glad I stood my ground and turned him down when he called me. I've got to be strong and remember that I deserve better than the crap that B offers me; even if my pussy is singing his praises...

On a better note, in search of my ultimate goal (to be superfit with a hard body) I got some new running shoes today. Will try them out on the treadmill tomorrow - can't wait, I am so excited!