Time is running out...

Beginning to get fed up with SP's continual pull-me/push-me games. When we're together he wants intimacy and closeness, and when we're apart it's like nothing exists between us. It's driving me up the wall. I don't know how much more I can put up with. If it wasn't for the amazing sex between us (see below) and the fact that we have a wonderful time in each others company, I would have walked already. If he doesn't drop the teenager and start acting like an adult soon, it won't be long before I do...

Anyway, the fun: after coming back from a lovely evening by the river I pushed him onto his bed and told him to take off his clothes. He lay there naked whilst I removed my skirt and top and stood in front of him, bra, panties and stilettos still on. I got him to play with himself whilst I reached for some lube and then I took over rubbing him. He was really getting off on that, but that wasn't the main event. I pulled out the new cock ring I bought him, lubed it up and slid it onto him. Within seconds of me turning the vibe on he was hard. I put the vibe in my hand and rubbed it against his shaft and balls whilst I sucked the head of his cock. Damn it was so hot. SP was writhing around in pleasure; it felt wonderful to be driving him so wild. It got me so horny to see him like that that I couldn't help myself: I ripped off my panties, climbed up over him and slid his cock into me. We had slow, intense passionate sex and when he finally climaxed, his orgasm felt harder and more intense than it ever has. Just wonderful...

A little later, as we were drifting off to sleep SP starts slowly caressing my ass and thighs. I got wet immediately and he kept looking at me and smiling as he saw how turned on I was getting. SP rubbed me gently between my legs - but never on my clit or inside me - just around and around for ages. He was driving me crazy: all I wanted was for him to be inside me, but he wouldn't even put his fingers in. He was taking delight in teasing me and I could feel him getting harder against me as a result. By the time he reached for a condom I was begging him to fuck me. And when he finally entered me I climaxed immediately. Damn it was good.

SP knows how to drive a woman wild and I love that, but I hate him for it all the same; it's like I feel powerless when I'm with him, driven solely by my desire, which he is able to direct and control on his terms. He makes me horny all the time, and I can't think straight when I have a burning heat between my legs.

I should be thinking:
SP is still fucking a 19 year old
SP is messing me about
SP doesn't prioritise me in his life
SP doesn't call me often enough
SP is unable to let me in to his heart

But instead I am thinking: 
That when we are together its like we are in love - the way he looks at me, the things he says
That when he holds my hand or caresses my face I melt
That whenever I am mad, SP then calls or texts and asks me to see him
That when he kisses me I get wet
That I have never had such intense orgasms (with him, or whilst playing on my own) 

Grr. I hate this. I hate that I have become a boring repetitive woman obsessing over a man. I am a feminist for crissakes - what a hypocrite! It annoys me how much time I am spending thinking about this person (when he probably doesn't deserve it). Plus, my blog has become rather dull too - I'll have to look elsewhere for stimulating material I think...

In the meantime, I am in 'fuck you' mode (maybe from listening to too much Ani Di Franco), and I don't wanna waste too much of my time getting annoyed by a bloke - my life hasn't stopped. I am still running (damn fine calves and thighs) and loving it. I am still busy with work, though officially I am on a brief break. I am catching up with old friends (hmm and maybe fuck buddies too) most of whom figure I am dead to the world when I am filming (kinda true). And I've got a whole heap of movies to catch up on; I'm looking forwards to getting some mental stimulation and escapism - reckon my brain needs a workout too...