It's one hot sticky day - and I'm not talking about the sunny weather outside...

Funny how just before my period I turn into a craven sex fiend - even more horny than normal - and with seemingly insatiable desire. I have played three times already today (its only 4pm) and managed to fit four frigs in yesterday (amongst going shopping, seeing my friends and fixing my parents VCR). All good fun...

I have been a bit mixed up this week, not quite sure where my head is at:

Monday

Stayed over at SP's again. We had a few drinks and ended up in bed again (as you do). But I felt uncomfortable about the level of intimacy (not sexual - emotional) between us so I decided to have 'the chat' with him, explaining that although I was happy about the sex, the 'boyfriend/girlfriend stuff' was freaking me out. SP took it well, seemed to understand, said that he knew that it was just a shag for me, and that he was alright with that. So we got up, had a lovely meal and I went to sleep in my own bed.

Wednesday

I spent the whole day thinking about SP: he makes me want to yell and scream...

Later: SP and I were both gagging for it; I think my texting him had given him the horn all day too (yippee a man who responds to my texts! Not like the fool B). We were all clean and shower-fresh and I told him to lay down on my bed. I began to lick him all over and teased him when I got to his groin area, just running my tongue slightly over his balls, and lifting my breasts to rub his cock gently. He started moaning so I licked him along the shaft of his cock occasionally letting the head pop into my mouth. When he began pushing his hips towards me, I took all of him in and sucked him hard whilst lifting my tongue so he could feel my tongue piercing rubbing against him, whilst grabbing his balls and squeezing the base of his cock. After 20 minutes or so, I could feel his cock pulsing in my mouth, so I stopped and moved up and crouched over him and slid his cock into me. We must've fucked for over an hour - the guy has amazing staying power: he can be on the brink of coming and hold it, over and over again. All I can say is that that was probably the best sex I have ever had. I was so wet, it was dripping down my thighs, and I left a huge wet patch on the bed. Neither of us could believe how good it was (I lost count at 4 orgasms) and I didn't get a headache either which is a bonus!

Thursday

My back is bad again. I think some lifting I did at work recently has brought it on. I am gutted. Being in pain (even loaded to the eyeballs on painkillers) is awful and trying to do 16 hour days on my feet at work (not to mention the 5-6 hours sleep) is damn hard. I ended up having to leave work early today (something I have only done twice in my career - never had a sick-day) and I lay in bed in SP's flat feeling very sorry for myself. I couldn't even play I was in so much pain.

SP came back from work and looked after me: cuddling me, rubbing my back, cooking me dinner, running me a bath. I felt so vunerable and needy and he was there for me. He went out later and I tried to sleep; no luck there, I was too horny. When he got back later that night, I called him into my room and he cuddled me again. I wanted him to fuck me, but he said he was worried about my back. I tried to convince him that he could just lie on top of me and slide his cock into me and that I wouldn't have to move, but he refused and told me it wouldn't be a good idea for my back and that I should sleep. I felt stupid and horny and told him that I knew he was right, but I wished I could just turn off my sex drive, because it wasn't letting me think straight. He laughed, said he was the same and that he was gonna have to go and watch some porn to sort himself out, and he kissed me goodnight and left.

I lay there, legs raised, with a TENS machine pulsing against my back, soaking wet and needing SP's cock. I rubbed myself in a frenzy as I imagined him playing with himself watching his favourite DVDs and thinking of me. It was a fantastic orgasm and much needed, but all my shuddering made my back go into spasm, so I know SP was right to turn me down...

THIS WEEKEND

I have spent the whole weekend thinking about SP. Not just about fucking him (although all my plays so far have involved him) but about how I miss him. I surprise myself. A few days ago I was telling him to stop being intimate with me; now I am missing that intimacy. I think I am fucked up - that I've got issues about intimacy. Here is a lovely guy who is kind, generous and good to me and who is great in bed and I am telling him to back off - why?

With regards to fuck-buddies and one-night stands, I am a confident, assertive woman who is comfortable with the impersonal nature of just fucking; with relationships I feel like a 17-year old who doesn't know what the fuck I am doing. I honestly don't know what to do here. We are on location (in hotels) for the next 6 weeks, so I have no 'reason' to see SP (as I won't be living at his place). But I want to see him, though I am unsure what I want from him. Does it make me hypocritical and selfish to be wanting to see him again?

So, I am off to the country yet again and will be blogging infrequently as a result. If anyone has any 'relationship' advice they care to throw at me in the meantime, I will take it all on board!

Until next weekend, xx