Sunday, July 04, 2004
Fuck Buddy Mania...
Firstly some business for those who have emailed questions or who are too lazy to read earlier posts:
1) I am female whether you like it or not/approve/believe me. This blog is written for my pleasure and to express myself freely. If readers get off on it too, then great.
2) I do change the names/places/dates of people and events - slightly, if only to respect and protect the anonymity of those I am talking about.
3) I work in the mainstream UK film industry, not the porn industry. I shall not divulge my job; what I will say is that, like all crew, I work shitty hours, get hardly any sleep and suffer from lack of a social life whilst I am working. I do however love my job, and being busy all the time has its advantages (like not being able to spend my earnings). I may moan about the 15-18 hour days, but I'd rather be doing that than sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day despairing about my boring life...
It's getting frustrating that I can only update this blog sporadically at the moment...
It's been a week since I've heard from SP; although he's been away on business again for a few days, the lack of communication between us worries me, especially since he had been texting me regularly up to now, telling me how much he was missing me etc. So I decided to call him: we spoke for 2 minutes - it was cold, distant and strange. Something is up, I will have to talk with him tomorrow when I see him. My gut instinct is that he is having second thoughts about the whole thing; I couldn't sleep for thinking about it all.
Of course the day I am due to see SP again is the day we go into late-night overtime. Fab money, but a 17 hour day on top of 2 hours driving with only 4 hours sleep didn't make for a happy Girl with a One Track mind and when I finally got to SP's late at night, I was truly exhausted. It was a little awkward at first between us, but then we fell into each others arms; it was all so simple and relaxed.
I decided to talk honestly with SP and I told him that I wanted to get to know him better and that I didn't want to fuck anybody else. Then he blew me away: said that he didn't want a relationship, that he couldn't promise that he wouldn't have another fuck buddy and he admitted that he's been fucking a 19 year old. To say I was gobsmacked was an understatement. I told him I couldn't fuck him anymore if that was the case and I said goodnight and left the room.
Now my intention was to go straight to sleep - I was exhausted - and because I was angry and hurt, I didn't want to fuck SP. But when he came into my room to see if I was ok, I just melted into his arms, and feeling his erection pressed up against me made me want him even more. We ended up in bed together and we fucked as if there was no tomorrow. It was frantic and furious and I recall making him scream out in pain as I dug my nails into his hips pulling him deeper into me. My final climax was so intense that I felt like I was going to cry; I had to pull a pillow over my face to hide the tears that streamed down my face as I shook with pleasure. And when it was all over, I just wanted him to leave, to be alone with my thoughts. But SP stayed and cuddled, kissed and stroked me. He asked me what was wrong as he caressed my lips and face. I got his hand and pulled it away from my face and went to the bathroom. I must've been in there 20 minutes - I couldn't bear seeing him. When I came out he was waiting for me and cuddled me and stroked my hair. I told him to stop it - that it wasn't fair - and I went to bed. I was so upset I couldn't sleep - not even giving myself a quick rub made me feel better.
Needless to say, the next day was shitty for me and my mood was low. I felt so confused. SP had been chasing me and giving me clear signals about wanting intimacy; now he wanted to have his cake (me) and eat it too (the 19 year old). Gutted. I spent the day angry with him and me, and even having two of the actors tell me how sexy I looked today didn't boost my ego.
All I could think was 'what has this 19 year old got that I don't?'
Q) A tighter cunt?
A) I've not had any complaints so far.
Q) A fitter body?
A) I've an athletic build - my calves, thighs and ass are pretty damn firm.
Q) Better in bed?
A) I've got more experience, am a sex fiend and SP told me I gave him the best blow job he's ever had, so its hardly likely.
Q) Great intellectual compatibility?
A) Oh, come on, she's 19!
So anyway, after much debate and discussion with my girlfriends, I decided to do the following:
I went back to SP's place after work (as agreed with him). He was out, I showered, got changed into my black lacy french knickers and a black vest, had 3 glasses of wine and lay on SP's bed waiting for him to come home.
And when he got back, I gave him the fuck of his life. He kept staring at me whilst we were fucking, as if he was in shock and I rode him as if it were the last fuck of my life. I kept thinking whilst I was riding his cock: "I bet your 19 year old can't do this", and I climaxed 10 times (it would have been 20 if I hadn't had to be up for work at 5am) that night.
SP said that he couldn't cum as he'd had too much too drink and that he wanted to lie there holding me instead. But I wanted to see him cum, so I got up off him and told him to play with himself. He grasped his cock and slowly rubbed the end of it. I watched him and then moved down his body and licked the shaft slowly, letting my tongue piercing drag on the skin. He groaned and moved his hand away, letting me suck all of his cock. I sucked and licked and rubbed long, hard, slow, soft and in the final stages, furiously, until with a groan he finally spurted all over his belly. He pulled me up over him, kissed me passionately and told me no-one had ever made him cum before when he'd had that much to drink. I lay there and smiled. I was content - with my own pleasure, and his. And, with the knowledge that I'd fucked the living daylights out of SP. He won't forget that in a hurry...