SP - back to square one...

Ah, the SP saga continues. But first, the sex...

So, I arrive at his place, planning to suck his cock as a 'hello' but it just wasn't possible: we grabbed each other as I opened the front door; I dropped my bags and SP pulled me to him and pressed his cock against me. Within minutes we were on the sofa, me kneeling, SP taking me from behind. It was hot, steamy, fast, hard and explosive. And then we went out to lunch - very civilised and English!

This morning we had our wake up fuck, but this time he pulled out the handcuffs he bought me. He strapped me in them and pushed me onto my front, my hands above my head. Then he poured loads of lube all over me and slid 4 fingers inside me. I was so hot I could hardly bear it. And then he pushed me: he slid 2 fingers in my ass at the same time as the 4 fingers in my pussy. It felt so good, and when he began spanking me with his hand, I wanted his cock inside my ass so badly. (But he ain't getting that until he commits to me, see below). Anyway he fucked my ass and pussy with his fingers until I came and came. It was bloody lovely. And then he turned me over, pushed my legs over my head and thrust his cock into me. Needless to say I pretty much exploded with that. Very nice.

SP went to make me breakfast a little while later and I started getting horny again, thinking about his cock in my ass. I began playing and as I was near, I called him into the room. It was great, he had no idea that I was lying there, wet as hell, and within seconds of seeing me with my hand between my legs, he was pulling down his shorts and grasping his cock. Watching me come made him even harder and when my convulsions had ceased, he slid himself into me and fucked me for dear life. We came together - as always - and when we were done, he held my face and said "I love it, I love it". And so do I. Thinking about it now has made me wet again, will have to go play in a sec...

But first: the bad news: Yesterday we sat by the river holding and kissing each other and SP looks deeply into my eyes and says:

"We need to talk".

He's done this a few times now - and its always serious. I'm thinking:

"C'mon, lets just enjoy each other"

but he wants to be open and honest, so I say:

"Ok".

And then he proceeds to tell me - once again - that he is scared of being in a relationship with me, that he wants to, but he fears getting burned, that he likes being single, and that he is still fucking the 19 year old.

I ask him:

"How's that going for you?"

He replied:

"She's 19 and beautiful. She comes round, we shag, she leaves. I don't need to phone her or have any of her baggage. It's every man's dream."

And I felt like saying "You fucker" and walking away. But I didn't. It stung that he said she was beautiful; made me feel sick and hurt. But I still didn't leave. We talked and talked. I told him I didn't know what I wanted, but that getting to know him more and seeing how things ended up was where I was at. Of course I want him to stop fucking the 19 year old - it offends me that with the fantastic sex we have, he is still doing that. And I am insulted because with all that I am offering him:

1) More sex than he can imagine
2) Exploration of his fantasies
3) Chance to dominate in bed (yes I was right about him)
4) A girl who is endlessly horny
5) Intense orgasms (on both sides)
6) A Blow job on demand (and often)
7) Anal (eventually)
8) Group sex (girls/guys/whatever)
9) Intellectual stimulation
10) My love and my heart and my taking on his emotional baggage

and he still has to fuck her. It just hurts. Part of me wants to just walk away now; the other feels that its worth hanging on - that he will come round and embrace the situation and start being a man not a boy.

I give him one month, then I walk. That's it. In the meantime, I am very tempted to fuck someone else. Partly because I need to feel desirable and wanted and not exclusive to him, and partly because I want him to know that he is not the centre of my world and hurt him a little. Childish I know, but hey, I am worth more than being a side dish on his platter; I deserve to be an entire three-course meal and it's his loss if he doesn't want to eat...