I am annoying. Very annoying. I am well aware I might irritate people and not only because I’m incredibly bossy, stupidly neurotic, or due to my frequently laughing at my own, unfunny, jokes. No, besides all that, there’s another reason I get on some folks’ nerves and it is this: I orgasm very, very easily.
Back in the days when this blog was just an anonymous obsession (rather than it now being a slightly embarrassing invisible pair of knickers which permanently hang around my ankles, tripping me up), I was often accused of being a man jotting down his sexual fantasies. ‘Women don’t think/talk/behave like that about sex!’ people would shout in the comment box, adding, ‘and women certainly don’t come like a fucking train all the time – that’s for sure.’ Well, if we were talking steam trains, then I agree, but if it’s the new fast-tilting-super-powered machines we’re likening my orgasms to, then yes, a “fucking train” I am.
I haven’t always come easily, but after I hit my mid-twenties, and certainly upon turning thirty, climaxing, for me, has never been about ‘if’, but only about ‘how many times in one session?’ I’m not one of those women of whom only 34% orgasm regularly: I come easily; I come often; I come hard; I always orgasm through penetration and usually forgo, by choice, receiving prolonged foreplay: I’d prefer a cock inside me now, thanks. I, frequently will come, fully clothed, just from a brief dry hump; I’ll come even if a guy isn’t great in bed because I know how to position my body just so, to get me off; and if a guy is skilled in the bedroom department, I’ll come even harder as a result. I like my orgasms, thank you very much, and whilst the journey getting there is wonderful, I’m much more partial to the destination. It’s not just the release of endorphins and pleasure that I enjoy; I’m also less moody as a result of climaxing, which is a bonus, I think. (NB. Any potential future partners reading this please take note.)
I’m sure some women might scan this post and think ‘Bitch’, or ‘Why can’t I come like her?’, or, even, ‘Focussing on orgasms means that those women who have difficulty climaxing won’t enjoy sex’. For that I apologise. I’m sorry if the truthful description of my orgasm pursuit or pleasure makes any women feel inadequate, or frustrated, or annoyed; that is not my intention. The reason I’m writing about my orgasms is because I just tried something that I think will help other women obtain them easier, and I’m all for more women climaxing. (Yay!)
Durex recently asked me if I’d like to try their new Play O Orgasm Gel for Women, which supposedly will “revolutionise” women's sex lives. I scoffed to myself when I read the blurb and then sent back a snarky reply saying, ‘I’m really not sure that I need it’. I think I probably sniggered, too, self-righteous prat that I am. But they responded tactfully, and argued that the gel was not only to achieve orgasm, but to actually enhance the sensation of it too: perhaps I’d still like to give it a go? What the hell: more intense orgasms? Oh, if you insist. Let’s call it a scientific test for womanhood.
And try it I did, with a cynical outlook and, most likely, a jaded expression on my face, crap sexblogger that I am. After watching some titillating gay porn (boy-boy never fails to arouse me: my Sylar+Peter Petrelli fantasy has kept me going on many a cold night), I rubbed a tiny drop of gel between my legs and sixty seconds later, WOW. One minute I was yawning with bored anticipation and the next I was wondering how the fuck everything felt so simultaneously cold and hot and engorged and OMFG I need to come right now stick it in me oh fuck yes. To say I was surprised was an understatement. I really thought the gel would do nothing for me, but I went from 0-60 in sixty seconds: it was full-on, volume-up-to-11 arousal, within a minute of use – without any other stimulation. Look mum, no hands! (Although I obviously then put them to good use, immediately.) With the gel making the entire area between my legs thrum like a fucking motor, it took me almost no time at all to climax, which I did, intensely, and, after I had recovered, my first thought was: this is like female Viagra. My second thought: all women should try this. Now.
Durex claim that 74% of the women who have used this gel are able to obtain an orgasm regularly and whilst I usually don’t swallow such hype, given the impressive effect this product had on me, I actually believe their statistic. I’m not suggesting that this gel will enable immediate access to orgasms (or the frequency of them that I manage) but if it offers almost instant arousal, and deeply happy throbbing, then that’s good in my book. And if it helps some more women to climax too, then it’s a no brainer for me to recommend it. You can obtain the gel here and I am genuinely interested in hearing other women’s opinions and experiences of it.