I want to be judged purely on the basis of my appearance. I love it that men might think me attractive, because, like, that’s all that matters to me. I feel validated if men want to fuck me: the more that do, the merrier. I think it’s great that how I look is more important than what I have achieved. I want to teach young girls that to get ahead in life, all they need is cosmetic surgery. They have to fight gravity and age; otherwise no man will ever want them! I hope more women realise that if they’d only make themselves more attractive, then they would be more successful in their jobs. It’s all about being desired by men! Anyone that says it isn’t is an ugly feminist that needs a good fuck. I think Jordan is a feminist icon. Making money out of your body? Now that’s real empowerment: a modern-day fight for equality. All women should strive for this.
I like denying myself pleasurable things because women should be martyrs. I ate a cake once, in secret, but I try not to be ‘naughty’: skipping pudding means I’ll be slimmer and more attractive to men! Anyway, who says obsession with one’s weight is boring? I always hold off from having sex on a date because not ‘giving in’ to men means I have ‘power’ over them. I insist men pay for me on dates because that makes me feel feminine. The fact I earn more than them is irrelevant. Men buy and women put out: that’s just the way it is. You can’t fight human nature! I think women should take responsibility for rape, by covering up more. Men, poor things, get worked up by seeing women’s bodies and it’s not their fault they then can’t control themselves. Testosterone is a very powerful thing! I always fake my orgasms because I want men to think they’re expert lovers. If Belle from Secret Diary of a Call Girl can prep her vagina with lube to pretend to her customers that she’s sexually aroused, so should all women.
I adore that when people say “sexy”, they mean “female”. It pleases me that the default position in how sex is marketed is always male and heterosexist, or female and bisexual. Because women never want to see pictures of naked men: all of us are happier just to look at other women, don’t you know?! I love it that porn is so focused on the male perspective, because as a woman I obviously have no interest in seeing it portrayed through a female gaze. I don’t need to wank because, like, I’m not a man. Also, my boyfriend might get jealous. I have no need for orgasms because cuddling is so much nicer and women don’t have the same sexual urges as men, anyway. Also, what’s an orgasm? I like accusing women of being “sex negative” if they reject the mass-market monopolisation of their sexuality as a financial commodity. I want to follow the advice in How To Make Love Like A Porn Star because my ambition is to be as sexually empowered as Jenna Jameson is. Also, I need to perfect my technique in faking orgasms. All women do. *< /sarcasm>