Thursday, March 24, 2005
I should be asleep by now.
Especially since today was at varying points spent hungover, then tipsy, then drunk again. This added to the chomping down of painkillers to stop my belly aching, and an insomniacal last night combined with an early morning today, means I should be knackered.
But instead my brain is wide awake; I am filled with (in order of their capacity in my brain):
1) Thinking about sex
2) Having creative ideas
3) Worrying about work
And in some annoyingly ironic way, right now, all three are currently related to each other; by thinking about one, it involves the others and vice versa. But doesn't make it any easier for me to try to find some clarity or focus on one above the other.
If I (allow myself to) think about sex, then all that happens is that 30 minutes more of my day is wasted, since any horny thoughts inevitably lead to compulsive playing on my part. Which is all very well for being able to tick number 1) off the list, but by doing it, it prevents me from doing 2) and 3) which is a bad thing.
Plus, doing 1) is only temporary: it's not like one frig lasts all day and stops me from being horny again. Sadly all it does is just take the 'edge' off, leaving me at some point having to do it again later on. Stopping me from doing 2) and 3) again.
A vicious cycle, see.
And not one that can currently be broken.
Though I am thinking about perhaps abstaining from indulging myself in my desires for a little while so that I might be able to concentrate better on being creative and sorting out my working situation. That way, I figure, my playing won't contribute to my being a queen procrastinator, and I will acheive my current objectives, goals and dreams.
Well, I am thinking about it anyway.
Whether or not I'll be able to achieve it is another matter, since I am an addict of hand-to-pussy action and not sure that cold-turkey is the best remedy for someone like me.
Still, I have a good mind to try it. Perhaps I should do a countdown type thing on the blog, showing how long I have managed not to play so far?
For starters then: 7 hours and counting...