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Thursday, November 18, 2004

Answers 6 - 8

6. Does anyone you know read your blog? What would you do if your anonymity was compromised?

Actually I believe my friend K briefly stumbled upon my blog recently (she clicked on a link on a blog that I had suggested she read). She said she knew it was me because she recognised some details I had posted regarding SP. I got freaked. We had a long debate about how I felt vunerable and scared about her knowing so much about me, whilst she was insulted and hurt that I didn't want her to read about my thoughts. K tried to console me that she stopped reading it almost immediately and could no longer find the link as she had deleted the email I had sent her about the other blog. Although she recalled there was a "Girl" in the title of mine, she promised me not to go searching for it, and I (sort-of) believe her.

I would hate to end blogging because someone found out who I am, but I would do so immediately that they did. It's not that my friends don't know I love sex, it's the extent that I love it that I wish them not to know. They already shift uncomfortably when the discussion turns to sex; I don't want them to be too embarrassed to talk to me - as they would if they knew I worte this blog. And as for my colleagues: well, lets just say my career would be over. And no, I am not exaggerating. I wouldn't be able to show my face again on set if people knew this was how pre-occupied I was with sex - I would never hear the end of it. So, anonymity it is, and long may it last...


7. What thought/s turn you on/off whilst masturbating?

I can categorically say that if for some absurd reason a thought regarding a member of my family enters my brain during playtime, the button from mind to clit does get switched off. But only temporarily; I am good at attention switching - I'll change my thought process immediately to one that switches me back on and continue where I left off.

With regards to what turns me on - well how long is a piece of string? I mean, anything and everything turns me on, from my last partner, to the guy on the train, to the woman in the porno, to the fat smelly builder who I find repulsive but I bet his cock in my mouth would ooh yes, aaaah, mmm, let me just rub and..... you see? Anything.

In terms of what material I use to get me off, first and foremost I would have to say my mind. I am much dirtier than anything else I see around me and have multitudes of scenarios in my brain that I pick and choose to stimulate me. Some of the stuff in my 'bank' are real-life experiences re-played for my satisfaction, others are fantasies that I might enact someday. I like to think of my mind as an infinite scratch-free, DVD collection, free to use and with 24 hour access. I also use porn, mostly still pictures off the internet (dial-up prevents me becoming a video download addict, for which I am mildly thankful), plus the occasional magazine, erotic book and the regular surfing of sex blogs for material.

Too many scenarios to talk about what thoughts turn me on specifically, but it would be fair to say that of my wanking:

65% involves 1 guy and me (MF)
17% involves 2 guys and me (MMF)
10% involves 1 guy, 1 girl and me (MFF)
5% involves 2 guys, 1 girl and me (MMFF)
2% involves 1 girl and me (FF)
1% involves 2 guys (MM)

And within all of the above, a good smattering of D/s, bondage, spanking and handcuffs (preferably all used on me!)


8. What fantasies have you not dared to explore?

There are two that spring to mind at the moment:

a) Group sex
b) Public sex (dogging)

a) I have had the priviledge of watching more than a dozen people having sex in a room. Only four of them were involved with each other, the others were just being exhibitionists. It was easily the sexiest, most horny thing I have ever seen. The atmosphere was electric, the smell of sex was in the air, and the walls dripped with the combined sweat of all the couples' exertion. It was hot dammit, in every sense. To the left of me, three couples: Couple 1 - she was wanking him off, Couple 2 - he was kneeling between her legs, licking her pussy, Couple 3 - she was straddling his cock. To the right of me, four couples: Couple 4 - he was fucking her doggie style in the centre of the room, Couple 5 - she was riding his cock on the floor, Couple 6 and 7 - a mish mash of boys and girls sucking, licking and fucking. And me, sitting on the ground, with my mate, just watching. And my pussy was throbbing - calling to my hand to rub it. But I was too embarrassed to do anything, let alone join in. So I let it throb - all night - until I got home and gave it a good old seeing to.

Ever since watching this, I have wanted to participate in it, partly because I want to be watched having sex, (I'll be the girl in the middle of the floor/stage getting fucked hard!) but also because I want to experience playing with others in the group situation. I am still pretty scared about doing it, but if/when I meet the right person/partner, I hope they will want to too and that we can discover this aspect of sex together...

b) Dogging is something I am not sure I will ever do, but I fantasise about this all the time. Fucking my partner in public, on show, people getting off to it - that I like. But the thought of some random stranger peering into my car window to watch my partner fucking me, scares me. Even more, the idea that this stranger might stick his cock into the car, hoping I would give it a little suck, makes me feel repulsed and yet weirdly horny at the same time. I'm not quite sure I could handle this particular fantasy in real life and I find it odd that something that turns me off can also turn me on at the same time. Anyone else think this is strange? I'd like to know your thoughts on this...

Answers 9 - 10 to follow soon

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