Tuesday, November 16, 2004
Answers 1 - 2
Thank you for all your questions and comments; I have created a shortlist of ten questions out of the responses sent to me by the readers of this blog. As a few people have asked similar questions, I have altered the wording to accommodate as many queries as possible. Here are the first two:
1. How would you define the difference between friendship and a relationship? Where do 'fuckbuddies' fit in?
For me, sex is the line that is crossed that takes a friendship from a solely intellectual and emotional plane to one that includes physical intimacy too; a mind/soul/body experience if you will. Friends are people that you don't fuck; although there may be sexual attraction in the friendship, you don't cross that line. I don't think it's possible to be in a relationship without being friends, but I do think it's possible to fuck someone you're not friends with.
Which brings me to fuckbuddies. Not as easy to define, the relationship often seem to be very contradictory. I have had fuckbuddies I am friends with; that is we connect on both an intellectual and emotional level, and I have also had fuckbuddies where the connection is purely physical. I think the general mistake people might make when they hear the term fuckbuddy is to assume that its about having sex with your friends. Let me tell you (in my experience), it's bad news crossing that line. I have lost a few friends this way - both male and female. As soon as sex came into it, the friendship broke down, and never regained the closeness that existed before. I learned the hard way, and don't cross that line anymore. Now I would define a fuckbuddy as being someone that I do not socialise with but I have casual sex with on a semi-regular basis. I'm sure other people have different definitions.
2. Whats your most interesting sexual experience with a woman?
I was in a nightclub with P, my ex at the time. We had been split for a while, but still socialised together. He had taken me to a packed out R & B night in central London. We're dancing away to some hip-hop and I notice this woman, an Angel. She was stunning. She stood out a mile. Her smile was so wide, her almond eyes shining, her lovely dark skin was almost luminescent in the ultraviolet light, her straightened long black hair flowed down in a ponytail and swept her rounded ass gently as she moved and her cleavage was to die for. In short she was gorgeous. But, you know, I was with P (who was still 'up for it' if I wanted him), and we were there to have fun together. So I turned away and carried on dancing with him.
Later, I was sitting down resting. I think P had gone to get drinks. And this Angel comes and sits next to me. I couldn't believe it. She starts talking to me, she's drunk or on something, but I chat back. She's flirting with me and before I know it, I realise her hand is on my knee. Wow. I could hardly move. But she's laughing away and when she moves it up my thigh, I don't complain. I remember JS coming back and me introducing her to him, and then everything happened in a flash. She grabbed my hand, told me to follow her and we made our way to the women's toilets.
So, we're in this cubicle together, she's sitting down smoking, I'm standing over her, and I'm thinking
'What am I doing?'
and we're both laughing away, easy as anything. And then she grabbed me and pulled me to her and then we're kissing and I'm thinking
'Ah yes, this is what I'm doing. I'm kissing a girl in the toilets in a club. And not just any club, a straight R & B club, possibly the most homophobic environment you'll get. And I'm the only white girl in here, and am I gonna get my ass kicked when I get out of here? And what will JS think? And god, her tongue feels so fucking delicious in my mouth...'
And I just went with it. I found myself straddling her and she's kissing my neck, I'm stroking her shoulders. Then I feel her hands on my ass, pulling me towards her, and I get close. But not close enough. We end up standing. She pushes up against me, her thigh in between my legs, mine in between hers. I can feel our breasts touching. Let me tell you, that is hot. I understand why straight guys like breasts. I like breasts. But feeling them up against you - well, it's just fucking hot. And we're pressing against each other, I can feel my nipples harden. And then she reaches up and squeezes my breast. Wow. Electricity runs through my entire body and and adds to the burning sensations between my legs. She rips my top off, unhooks my bra and brings both her hands to my chest, cupping my tits in her fingers. So sexy. I did the same with her, and for a while we rub our breasts against each other, naked flesh against naked flesh. We ended up licking sucking and rubbing each other until we were rudely interrupted by her friends banging on the door and demanding she came out. We quickly dressed and exited shortly afterwards, Angel making some excuse about us 'having a smoke' and we went our separate ways (not before she gave me her phone number though).
So I went to find P, who was thoroughly annoyed at having been dumped over a girl, but we worked it out, and we're friends to this day. And Angel? Well, I did call her, but she was freaking out about how her homophobic Jamaican family and friends would be with her, and begged me not to call her again. A shame - I felt sorry for her. Having to hide who she was with those closest to her - I hope she has come out of the closet today. Plus of course I was disappointed not to have got to explore that glorious body of hers further...
Answers 3 - 4 tomorrow