Fed up

It seems like every woman has them. They walk around, happily content, parading them down the street, not knowing how difficult it is for some of us to get them. And boy, have I been looking a long time. I know I have 'needy' and 'desperate' written all over my face. I sit at home at night thinking about them, wanting them, desiring them. And I am still no closer to finding them.

I am of course talking about getting some black leather knee high boots. I have now visited more than 20 shops, ranging from the cheapest (Shoe Express) to the outrageous (Jimmy Choo). A grand total of two shops had my size. TWO! And neither of them fitted. Or let me be more specific: they fitted my foot, but had huge gaping spaces at the sides dwarfing my calves within them. I looked like a young girl wearing her mothers boots. Now, I know I ain't no skinny model with stick-thin legs (and I wouldn't want to be thank you very much), but 2-inch gaps between the inside of the boots and my calves? What's going on there?

It seems two things are going on:
1) That ALL the fucking shoe/boot manufacturers believe that all women (should) have small feet - up to size 7.
2) That ALL the fucking shoe/boot manufacturers believe that those women with large/r feet must therefore have HUGE calves too.

I mean for fucks sake! You wouldn't believe the amount of times I have actually been laughed at by sales assistants purely by asking for a size 8. And today this fuckwit in Selfridges told me, after he offered me a suede version of the boot which I liked in leather and he didn't have in an 8:

"You can't afford to be too picky being a size 8 you know"

And then suggested I try the designer boots, who could order in my size especially, at the cheap cost of £450, rather than the £90 that everyone else can get their boots for.

And I almost hit him. Why the fuck should I have to buy something I don't want because that's ALL they have? I am being discriminated against because of my foot size, and I don't see why I should have to spend extortionate amounts of money (I'm not rich remember), just to get my size.

Anyway, I am still bootless. And just a tad pissed off. If anyone has any suggestions (minus the fetish-shop route) about where to buy some black leather round-toed, spiky heeled boots in a size 8 (42), I would be forever indebted to you.

So, there I was wandering round Oxford Street, feeling furious, ready to fight (or fuck) someone. I decided a change of mood was in order and I popped into Harmony, to see what new stuff they've got in, for a quick cheer me up. And boy, did I get cheerful.

Things have changed a lot since I first visited a sex shop more than a decade ago. Back then it was all moody and dark, there were limited numbers of toys, lots of "massagers", nothing to rub against your clit though, and there was a really seedy feel to the places. Even in Ann Summers. I felt like I was the only woman who ever visited those places: I never saw another woman in there, only men (yes in raincoats), who would give me the weirdest stares when I perused the magazines alongside them. I always felt so uncomfortable there and when I bought something, it would be because it was the nearest thing, it's packaging was non-offensive and simple, and it looked small enough to use. Then I would rush out, embarrassed by what I was doing: buying something to assist my masturbating. No girl ever did that! Or at least, that's how I felt in those places back then.

But now - wow. It's so great. There were heaps of women in Harmony. On their own, in couples, in groups, with their partner. And enjoying themselves. Talking about the toys openly. One girl to the sales assistant:

"So, if I turn that, it'll make it press my clit harder?"

Another woman talking to her mate:

"That rubs your G-spot - it'll make you cum, hard".

And so on. These women were proud of their sexuality. Of their desire. Of the fact that they were going to go home, put in some batteries and masturbate to their hearts content. And not be ashamed of it. Seeing this today made me think about how far we have come as women. That finally we might be able to explore our thoughts, our desires, our bodies, and be open about it too. These women were not "Girls with one track minds", they were your regular, normal, girl-next door females and they were still gonna go home and wank. For themselves, not for the pleasure of anyone else. Self-pleasure for women as an everyday thing - I love it!

Speaking of which...