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Sunday, November 14, 2004
I am beginning to think there is something wrong with me. I cannot keep my hands from straying between my legs at the moment. Not that there is anything wrong with this normally, but the frequency of masturbation in my life right now is becoming somewhat annoying.
I don't know if this is a result of the winter nights drawing close, the lack of work to fill my time, or whether the break-up with SP is having a physiological (as well as an emotional) effect on me, but whenever I
Wake up
Shower
Feel hungry (for food)
Am bored
Have excess energy
Watch tv
Think about SP
Attempt to clean my flat
Write an email
Cat nap
Talk on the telephone
Try to run some errands
Go to sleep
my pussy starts throbbing and I end up masturbating - and not doing the task at hand (so to speak). And although the climaxes are enjoyable, they seem only to be temporary: once they are over, I feel nothing. In fact, worse than that, I feel empty. Low. Sad. But, like an addict, I crave this short-lived pleasure and want it to last longer; I yearn for the relief that only the next 'fix' will bring me.
Of course this makes me worry that I might be a an addict of sex: a sexaholic, but my symptoms seem to be borderline - my (masturbatorary) behaviour may be compulsive, but my other sexual relationships aren't. I can say 'no' (sometimes) and I don't seek out dangerous, or risky sex with strangers (like most sexaholics).
Nevertheless, I still am not happy with my present state. Readers might enjoy the thought of my fingers being permanently sticky, and of course I love playing with myself, but when it gets to the point where it prevents you from doing the things you need to do, you have to ask yourself 'how much is too much?'
*Final deadline for questions: 48 hours time. Please email me whatever subject or topic you would like me to explore/explain and if it makes it into the shortlist, you shall see an answer to it here on the blog shortly. Thank you to those of you so far who have written to me. Some great questions! Look forward to reading some more shortly...