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Recent posts

How not to have a one-night stand: part three
How not to have a one-night stand: part two
How not to have a one-night stand: part one
Why Fuck-Buddies are NOT friends that you fuck
Why (so many) men are crap at one-night-stands
One Night part two
One Night

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Thursday, August 11, 2005

The Girl’s top 10 guide to chatting up a bloke 

1) Get visual of subject in sight

2) Check for wedding ring on finger

3) Then check for tan-line of removed ring from finger. If nothing’s there, you are free to go ahead

4) Smile when man turns around; give him direct eye contact

5) Introduce yourself, offer your hand out and shake his with confidence. Do not give him a bone-crushing grip, or a wet-fish. Be firm and friendly

6) Find out about him, ask him questions about himself. Remember: human beings are essentially arrogant and love to talk about themselves. Use this to your advantage and feign interest in whatever he says – he’ll find you even more attractive if you listen well

7) Build a rapport with him. I recommend the Two-Tier method:

a) Verbal rapport – agree with him as much as possible.[1] For example, if he moans about having to work long hours, say to him ‘that must be awful, you must be very tired’ and listen once more, as he then tells you how right you are, and that his boss doesn’t appreciate all his efforts. The key is making him feel that you have something in common with him, even if it is just empathy.[2]

b) Physical rapport – not in the first instance, sexual[3] - I am talking about body language and how you can get him to feel a connection to you. This will help build his sexual interest later. The simplest thing you can do is to subtly mirror his movements and behaviour, eg. lean up against the bar with your left arm, if he is leaning against it with his right; if he smiles widely, greet his grin with one too. If your body matches his, unconsciously he will feel more attracted to you.

8) Once rapport is built, and some time has passed,[4] drop the question. I recommend something similar to the following:

“I hope I’m not being too forward here; I was wondering if you would like to go out for a drink with me sometime?”

9) Be prepared for one of the following responses:

a) He runs away

b) He smiles awkwardly and then makes an excuse and leaves hurriedly

c) He says

“Thank you, that would be lovely, when did you have in mind?”

d) He says

“Thank you, I would love to say ‘yes’, and if things were different, I definitely would. But I have a girlfriend, so I cannot take you up on your offer. Though that’s not to say I’m not tempted; shame I’m no longer single”

10) If it was d), do not allow any embarrassment you might feel to get the better of you. Although rejected, and shag/meaningful encounter-less, at least you put yourself out there, and took a risk: life is too short to let opportunities pass you by. Plus, you boosted his ego and made him feel good, which is always a nice thing to do. Especially if he suspects that you went home thinking of him – no nicer compliment can be paid.

Except perhaps,

“You are the best lover I have ever had”

But really that should wait until the third date at least.

[1] Obviously this does not apply if he is

a) A Tory

b) A sexist pig

c) An arsehole

[2] Do not however pretend you are less intelligent than him. This will win you no favours, and let’s face it, it is hard keeping up an act all night, even if there might be a shag at the end of it

[3] Touching his chest/arse/cock comes later, when you know what the score is. For now, limit any physical contact to the hands, arms and possibly the shoulder. Make the gesture small and light. Don’t be tempted to squeeze his upper thigh (even if he has fabulous quadriceps), unless you are prepared to deal with the erection you caused shortly afterwards.

[4] Depending on the outcome you want, I would suggest around half an hour if you are seeking casual sex, and a minimum two hours if you want something more substantial. If you're not getting positive signs at these points (laughter, smiles, eye contact), it may not be worth investing any more time. Even if he is stunningly gorgeous and the thought of him makes you wet your pants.

The Girl’s top 10 guide to chatting up a girl - coming soon

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