Hello.

My name is Girl, and I am a sex fiend.

1. I have admitted I am powerless about sex – my life has become unmanageable.

Frenetic masturbating at every given opportunity is rather inconvenient.

2. I have come to believe that a Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.

Who would have known that Duracell Extra Strength could last so long?

3. I have made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand him.

I’ll gladly give up my will; handcuffs and ankle restraints help.

4. I have made a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself.

The use of a compact mirror often comes in handy.

5. Admitted to God, to myself and to another human being the exact nature of my wrongs.

Screaming out his name just as I am about to climax is the best admittance of all.

6. I am entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

Returning over-used broken vibrators to their maker is my speciality.

7. I shall humbly asked Him to remove my shortcomings.

Although I am all for the quickie, I do prefer the longer more drawn-out climax.

8. I will make a list of all persons I have harmed, and be willing to make amends to them all.

For all those I gave rushed blow-jobs to, I thoroughly apologise; it was only because I was going crazy not having your cock inside me that made me hurry so.

9. I will make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

For all those I gave rushed blow jobs to, and who are now partnered-up with someone else, I thoroughly apologise; you’ll now just have to imagine my lips around your cock, sucking you for an hour.

10. I will continue to take personal inventory and when I am wrong promptly admit it.

I promise to throw out all my other sex toys and only keep the best one.

11. I will seek through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God, as I understand Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out.

If asked nicely, I will gladly worship a cock; clasping my hands together and bowing my head when requested. Crucifixes are optional.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, I will try to carry this message to other sex fiends, and to practice these principles in all my affairs.

I will try to spend less time looking at pornography, and more time on foreplay.

I will try not to judge the fuckability of all men I meet; I can just be friends with men.

I will try* to spend my free time doing artistic and creative things, rather than always end up with my hands between my legs

*But twice a day is still necessary, or I’d go insane.