Vibrators should be banned.

Evil evil contraptions.

Forget wanking; they seem to exist solely to aid in the art of procrastination.

You see, for people like me - lazy wankers - having a vibrator is like adding petrol to a fire: it only increases the laziness whilst fuelling the fire that burns within.

Let me explain:

A normal (non-film set) day might consist of waking up feeling horny, rubbing one out quickly, getting in the shower, having a coffee and getting to work on the pc.

If I am lucky, a few hours might pass before the horn strikes again, during which time, there would be some work to show for the time spent on the keyboard.

Now, if I didn't have a vibrator, I wouldn't bother to go and have a fiddle during the day. Not only does it interupt the work process, but the time needed to be spent frigging with my keyboard-tired fingers is not conducive to good time management. Or in English: I take longer to climax using my fingers. (I have some sympathy for men here, it can get boring trying to make a woman come with the hands sometimes - I should know, I am a woman).

So there's my vibrator, looking at me, all lovely and sexy with its 6" of pink squidginess Not that it for one minute can take the place of a man (or even a cock), but since all it takes is 2 AA batteries, the insertion into a wet pussy and 5 minutes of grinding against it to produce an earth-shattering climax, one can see the attraction of using it.

Fine. A quick wank, no repetitive strain injury to my fingers, and back to work, right? Wrong. When it's over and I'm blissed out in that lovely post-orgasmic way, I should by all rights jump up, and head back to work. But you see, the little devil machine begins to call -

"I'm here, waiting. I'm ready to throb inside you. Look, new batteries, I'll buzz as hard as you want. You can have me slow and deep, or fast and shallow. Don't you want to feel me inside you? Don't you want to come again?"

- and I find myself looking wistfully at my toy, knowing that I should just get up, ignore it and return to work.

But I can't. Not only am I an addict to my horniness, but I am a procrastinator too. The toy is a distraction for me, and one that I feel unable to turn down: I wasted god knows how long today, having 5 plays - the time could have been spent doing something much more productive than having orgasms, and I hate myself for giving in to such a short-lived pleasure, when it doesn't result in anything positive in the long term.

And not only that, but then I write about it here - I must truly have a screw loose - I need to work! So, I am considering chucking the toy, if there is some environmentally friendly way to recycle these things it would be good to know. Or failing that, buy a mini-safe, lock it up and give a trusted friend the key; someone that wouldn't allow me to have it unless I begged for it.

Actually, hold on... wouldn't it just be easier to get a chastity belt for myself?