In my opinion, one of the main challenges between men and women is that of communication. Even when we converse, and are talking in the same mother tongue, we often seem to be speaking a different language to each other.

One example is the difference between men and women when they arrange the next time they shall speak on the telephone: I regularly hear complaints from my female friends that their latest bloke didn’t call them when he said he would. And my male friends complain that women are too demanding, expecting to be telephoned at any given moment.

In my own experience - I think I can speak for the majority of women here - when I say that there is nothing – I repeat NOTHING – that pisses us off as much as someone saying they are going to call at a particular time/day and then not doing it. (Or not then immediately apologising with a very reasonable excuse, like crazy work hours, family commitments etc).

If a man doesn’t want to call on Monday, then why make an arrangement to, when it will only be broken? As far as I am concerned, if they have broken their word - even if it is as ‘trivial’ as a phone call - then that is a form, of dishonesty and deceit, and to me, it’s the same as lying. Which I have no time for in my relationships, since I am an upfront honest person and expect the same in return from people, whether or not sex is/will be involved.

But, like other (normally mature, rational, balanced) women I know, I also have on numerous occasions acted like a demented fool, and stupidly waited and hoped for the phone to ring, asking myself,

“Why hasn’t he called? The date went well, he said he wanted to see me again and would call me in a ‘few’ days. It’s been 7 days since then. What the fuck is going on?”

Of course I didn’t realise that a ‘few’ days to him, didn’t necessarily have the same meaning of a ‘few’ days to me - 3-4 days - a length of time that is universally agreed across the planet by the female race.

So when the call finally does come through, some days later, I am likely to be in the process of deleting his number and thinking he obviously wasn’t that interested. And ironically (well, sadly too), he may have been very interested, but didn't want to seem 'too eager' by phoning too quickly. [© Watski]

The problem with this situation, is that it leaves women having to

a) interpret the man’s delay in calling (his level of interest etc)
b) assess whether he is worth waiting that many days for
c) wonder whether there are any men out there that can keep to their word

And it leaves men having to

a) interpret the woman’s reaction to them (why is she cold/distant/angry)
b) apologise for something they feel they haven’t done
c) get annoyed about having to apologise

And eventually the woman has her ego a bit crushed and feels resentful and annoyed with herself that she allowed something as simple as a phone call to bug her. And the guy feels angry that he’s had to explain himself unnecessarily. (Though obviously not all men and women are like this, occasionally the situation is reversed, or, like Andre, the guy calls when he says he will) But still, this is not a good state of affairs.

Why do we have this constant mis-firing of communication? According to men, they are keeping to their word. And according to women, they aren’t.

It seems quite simple to me: men’s words and women’s words mean totally different things.

Based on extensive research with all my male and female friends, I have compiled a detailed list of common verbal agreements made by men and women when they are making arrangements to see someone of the opposite sex again (relevant to friends as well as prospective and current lovers).

This list is intended to help decipher the different meanings behind normal statements. It took me a while to get the info, so I reserve the right to think it is funny/useful/insightful.

You have the right to print this out and refer back to it, if you wish, especially if you are a man – if you want that second date, make sure you ring her within 3 days - if it gets you laid, a credit would be nice, cheers. (If you are married, you already know all of this, but this list might refresh your memory a little and help you to get back in your partners good books, male or female. Again, if you get a shag out of it, a credit would be nice).

What women say:

I’ll call you in the morning – means before 12pm
I’ll call you in the afternoon – means before 5pm
I’ll call you in the morning to confirm our lunch date – means before 11am
I’ll call you in the afternoon to confirm our evening date – means before 4pm
I’ll call you later – means later that day
I’ll call you tomorrow – means tomorrow
I’ll call you midweek – means between Tuesday and Thursday
I’ll call you at the end of the week – means Thursday or Friday
I’ll call you at the weekend – means Friday to Sunday
I’ll call you after the weekend – means Monday or Tuesday
I’ll call you in a couple of days – means 2-3 days
I’ll call you in a few days – means 3-5 days
I’ll call you in a week – means within 7 days
I’ll call you in a couple of weeks – means within 2-3 weeks
I’ll call you soon – means within a month
I’ll call you sometime – means I am not that eager to see you, but perhaps we’ll meet up again sometime; I’ll keep your phone number handy just in case
I’ll call you – means please call me

What men say:

I’ll call you in the morning – means before 5pm
I’ll call you in the afternoon – means before 9pm
I’ll call you in the morning to confirm our lunch date – means around 12pm
I’ll call you in the afternoon to confirm our evening date – means around 6pm
I’ll call you later – means anytime in the future
I’ll call you tomorrow – means at some point in the next few days
I’ll call you midweek – means anytime between Wednesday and Sunday
I’ll call you at the end of the week – means Sunday or Monday
I’ll call you at the weekend – means Sunday or Monday
I’ll call you after the weekend – means anytime from Monday to Friday
I’ll call you in a couple of days – means 4-6 days
I’ll call you in a few days – means 7-10 days
I’ll call you in a week – means around 2-3 weeks
I’ll call you in a couple of weeks – means about a month
I’ll call you soon – means I am not that eager to see you, but perhaps we’ll meet up again sometime; I’ll keep your phone number handy just in case
I’ll call you sometime – means I have no interest in seeing you again and will delete your phone number from my mobile whilst travelling home
I’ll call you – means I won’t ever call you again

So you see ladies, it’s not that men are intentionally being selfish thoughtless bastards by not responding when they say they will; it’s just that what they mean when they say something does not correspond with what we mean when we say it.

And likewise, all you lads out there, we are not being whinging, moaning bitches when we complain you don’t call us; it’s that you don’t call when you SAY you are going to that bugs us so much.

I think that if more men and women realised the basic differences in the meanings behind words we use, then our communication would drastically improve; resulting in us not spending so much wasted time being exasperated, angry, disappointed and hurt. We all have better things to do with our time – like shagging for example.

So, have a look at the list, see if there’ s anything you can take from it, or anything that needs to be added to it, and let me know what you think.