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Wednesday, August 06, 2008


I'm not usually one for memes but I'm making an exception for this, because I found Troubled Diva's replies so interesting I felt compelled to add my own in the hope that others might enjoy them too. Plus, of course, I'm always up for bashing out a quick one.

Here goes:

1. My uncle once: used to be friends with Arnold Schwarzenegger. The stories I could tell… (But won't: I'm not risking a libel suit.)

2. Never in my life: have I had a threesome with two men.

3. When I was five: I wanted to be a criminal defence lawyer.

4. High school was: awful. I was bullied, and I hated my peers.

5. I will never forget: that 89 divided by 98 equals 0.9081632. I memorised it when I was a kid. I still have no idea why.

6. Once I met: my paternal grandfather. But he died when I was only six days old and I wish he had lived long enough for me to get to know him.

7. There’s this boy I know: he’s made far more of an impression on me than I dare to tell him.

8. Once, at a bar: two women invited me to have a threesome with them. I was terrified and turned them down. I’m still regretting that.

9. By noon, I’m usually: hungry. And horny.

10. Last night: I uploaded pictures from behind the scenes at Sky News.

11. If only I had: more confidence in my abilities.

12. Next time I go to church: it will be for another friend’s wedding. I see no other reason to enter one.

13. What worries me most: are my self-doubts and neuroses. I know they’re stupid and self-defeating, but I can’t get rid of them (easily).

14. When I turn my head left I see: a messy desk.

15. When I turn my head right I see: a messy room.

16. You know I’m lying when: my face goes red and I start stammering. I’m shit at lying; being false has never sat well with me.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: climbing trees with my brother and all our friends.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: someone
blinded by love, who is then tragically doomed, like Desdemona.

19. By this time next year: I hope to be looking at my next book on the shelves and toasting its success with a special someone.

20. A better name for me would be: Girl With Stupid Insecurities.

21. I have a hard time understanding: why people are malicious and vindictive for no reason, bar their own envy. It’s petty.

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: do a talk with the students. I’d tell them to use condoms and treat their sexual health like they do their teeth: have twice-yearly check-ups.

23. You know I like you if: I bite my lip nervously. It’s the tell-tale sign I have a crush – and I have no control over it.

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: my parents. I’m grateful every day to have the luck and honour of being their daughter.

25. Take my advice, never: rule anything out. You might enjoy it.

26. My ideal breakfast is: French-press coffee (strong); smoked salmon and scrambled eggs; freshly squeezed orange juice – served up by someone who’d be happy to forgo it for some good lovin’ first.

27. A song I love but do not have is: Baby, I Love You by Aretha Franklin. I’ve always wanted to have it playing and then sing it to a special man whilst making love with him; I’m a pathetic romantic in private.

28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: prepare to get in debt. London is outrageously expensive.

29. Why won’t people: treat others as they wish to be treated?

30. If you spend a night at my house: you won’t. I don’t invite anyone back here. Not any more, anyway.

31. I’d stop my wedding for: a family crisis.

32. The world could do without: greed. It’s repugnant.

33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: vote Tory.

34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: none. I prefer brunettes: it’s the way I’m wired.

35. Paper clips are more useful than: pens, for when I need to reset my broadband modem.

36. If I do anything well it’s: procrastination; connected to my self-doubt.

37. I can’t help but: berate myself. See previous answer.

38. I usually cry: for about four days each month when I’m due for my period.

39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: believe in yourself.

40. And by the way: I could really do with a shag. Just saying.

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