I get asked to plug all kinds of shit on this blog. Occasionally I might mention something if I feel readers would enjoy it, but generally I take a brief look at what’s being sent my way and ignore it.
But I’ve just been asked to plug something that has really got my blood boiling. It’s a sex-advice piece, supposedly written by a woman and geared towards men, and is offensive in so many ways I am astounded that the PR team would even bother to contact me. (Have they read this blog? I doubt it.)
First up, the female columnist is introduced as a “vixen” and offering “straight-up sex advice from the kind of broad you’d actually want to hook up with”. Vixen? Broad? Are you fucking serious? Let’s all get in a time machine back to the 1970s, shall we? God I love me some old-fashioned sexism, I do.
Second, are the suggestions that this columnist supposedly writes (I doubt any of it is written by her, but whatever). A few examples:
A guy asks what “dirty talk” he can utilise in bed with a woman.
Her reply? “Because most men are born with a bigger sexual vocabulary than women…”
Really? “Born” with? So sexual vocabulary is innate? My God! Quick, someone call the scientists! We have a new theory about human sexuality and evolution and it’s called BULLSHIT.
A man asks if there is one area in sex that men should be less shy about.
Her answer? “That’s funny. Personally I haven't really known a man to be shy about anything in the bedroom.”
Riiiight. And thus the only conclusion one can draw from that statement is that men cannot, and should not, feel shy about sex. What unbelievable crap. And way to go in making all men feel inadequate if they are hesitant about sex in any way. Jesus. Everyone’s got insecurities in bed. Male, female, gay, straight, sexblogger, virgin: all of us. Can we please reject the idea that men should be the confident sexual aggressors who always have prowess between the sheets and embrace the fact that we’re all fucking human – and thus each of us is flawed/insecure/shy – thanks.
But the columnist’s “advice” doesn’t end there though, oh no. She continues:
“I've seen some pussies that hurt your eyes just to look at 'em. Just like food, we rarely want to eat something that looks disgusting. So tell your lady friend to keep her pussy well groomed, clean and smelling fresh.”
Yes! Because what women really need is to feel even more insecure about their bodies and it really helps their self-confidence to have a part of their body described as “disgusting”. Plus, God forbid we put the “feminine hygiene” industry out of its multi-billion dollar business! There are douches, sprays and razors that need to be bought!
Fucking, fucking, fucking bullshit. Sexist fucking crap. All of it. There’s much more, but I am too angry, and too busy, to write anything else about it. (And clearly I won’t be linking the piece: hear that, dim-witted PRs? Please do pay attention, ta.)
The most depressing thing about this sex “advice”? It’s supposedly read by 5 million people a month. And, I suspect, not in an ironic way.
I despair, I really do.
[For real sex advice, go read sex educator Violet Blue, or (if you’re in the UK and aged between 16-25) visit Brook for confidential advice and support on all sexual health matters]