I realise that posting this on here today now just marks an annual event, not another of what used to be my daily writings, and I do feel sad about that. I miss having this as a regular outlet for my thoughts - it was so cathartic for me - and it's a shame I can't write as openly or often on here the way I once did. However, I'm not going to wallow in self-pity about that; I might post here more frequently this year, even if it'll be thoughts and feelings about subjects other than sex. Because, christ, I have OPINIONS, like all the other fuckwits on the internet, and I need some place to express those. (Twitter
is not the platform for considered thought. Take note, ignorant trolls.) I might even write more about film and feminism as those are my other true loves. I may still include navel gazing though. Hey, it's my blog, deal with it.
Looking at the post I published on here exactly a year ago
it strikes me what a similar place I'm in now: I could publish the exact same thing today and it wouldn't be far off from where I'm at. I'm not sure whether to be sad about that, or happy. We all try to learn lessons from our mistakes, as well as our successes, so it is kind of odd to read something I wrote a year ago and feel that not much has changed. Did I learn much over the past year? Probably not enough. Have I been trapped in aspects of my life which don't entirely make me happy? Probably yes.
I spent a lot of this past year a bit stuck and quite frustrated. Not sexually, thank god, as I have had some of the best sex in my life, but emotionally and creatively. The relationship which I thought would be life-long ended, and that has really thrown me, leaving me feeling pretty fragile and more than a bit sad. It took me a long time to realise what I wanted from a romantic relationship and an even longer time to meet someone with whom I thought I would be compatible. So it's hard to learn that love isn't always enough and that even when two people match 99% of the time, and are best friends, it can be their non-matching 1% which sadly means the relationship has no future.
Breakups are hard at any time and mine has been compounded by a difficult period of work frustrations combined with depression. I'm not going to go into that in any great detail other than to say it's been pretty fucking shit, it's affected my ability to be productive, and I am not special in any way from suffering with it. I am really glad to see the back of 2014, because so much of it was spent under a black cloud of hopelessness, and I am determined that 2015 will be better for me.
So I'm approaching this new year with a fighting attitude, a hopeful heart and an open mind. As well as running Sex Appeal
, the annual comedy benefit in January which I do for Brook
, the young people's sexual health charity, I am also working on two projects which I'm really excited about: one for film, and one for TV. And yes, you will be seeing something else happening with Girl With A One Track Mind in the near future... Oh, and if any commissioning editors are reading this, I'm always up for writing about and commenting on feminism, film, food and fucking (and other, non-f-word subjects like politics, pop-culture, technology and travel), so drop me a line
To all of you, I wish you good health, happiness, love and lust for the coming year. My advice? Try not to Wankrastinate too much: it only leads to Bully Wanks
and I think we all know how disappointing they are.